[chinese blood, irish heart] - DEFUNCT

MOVING>>>

2009-05-02T12:39:00.000+08:00

Hi everybody, I've moved to http://www.whoisedwinlee.com/

Ach! They be Mogwai!

2009-01-23T22:20:00.006+08:00

Just to showcase my pics from an awesome and deafening gig by Mogwai in January:

See the 11 others on my Flickr page. Another similar and brilliant post-rock instrumental band I listen to are Explosions in the Sky.

This one's for the kids

2009-01-18T02:09:00.003+08:00

Here's how professional I was today, I completley mixed up Sunday's peace rally with today's UNICEF gathering, both at Victoria Park. Called the organiser up and sounded like a complete eejit.

Ah well, at least photographing kids in the shadows was kind of fun. I find kids to be hit-and-miss at times. They can be incredibly candid because of their youthful playfulness and all, but they're equally as fast as to pull a 'victory' sign once the lens is on them.

The snaps also made me reminisce about childhood, strengthened by an ad campaign I watched recently by a Singaporean NGO to raise awareness about racism - how children are 'colour blind' and don't have the sense to distinguish race. Growing up in a predominantly caucasian environment of course made me all too aware of the notion of racism. I'm sure that played a profound role in developing my personality. Hey, at least I can say I definitely am not racist!

It also made me remember a Palestinian childhood friend of mine who lived in my neighbourhood. Umar was his name. Unlike kids nowadays, we didn't have email or mobile phones back then.

I find it quite poignant when thinking about my childhood. Certain friends gone and disconnected now. All those dreams once dreamed forgotten and never realised. Hobbies and toys once so playfully enjoyed now long discarded. That sense of childish naivite and innocence now adulated by notions of career, social status, love and everything in between. That's why we have to make sure kids these days actually enjoy being kids.

2009-01-12T00:18:00.004+08:00

First of all happy new year to all you stragglers on the Internet (and mom & dad). Here's to more financial turmoil and mass layoffs! Cheers!!

Just like to make a comment about astrology:
I rarely read my own Sagittarian readings nor take them seriously, but I did happen to bump into a 2009 reading in last week's Sunday Magazine. It said that starting from January 25th, Sagittarian's ruling planet (or dwarf planet I should say) is moving out of my alignment for the first time in 13 years and into Capricorn. Pluto symbolises many things like death, life and change. For better or worse, it certainly means a tumultuous period for Sagittarrians from 1995-2008. And how lucky I guess considering this alignment happens once every 248 years.

So after I read this, and corroborated the information by some fancy Google browsing, I put the magazine down and just stared into my previous 13 years: I could say there have been many unique external factors that have pushed me to where I am today. Take my sudden onset of eczema in 2005 for instance. That's caused me to make the dramatic leap to Hong Kong and forced me to take a more proactive look on life. Now, as 2009 dawns (and referring to Pluto now edging away), I can safely say my skin condition has improved dramatically and I'm no longer bound by this (and still mysterious) ailment. Perhaps this is the finale to my transformation caused by Pluto?

Yes, yes I know, it's probably all bullshit. But if you're me you can't help but calculate all the stuff that's happened and the choices I've made since 1995 till today and wonder if it was all because of this little fucking dwarf Pluto... Well, I've got about 13 days left of Pluto's grace before it moves onto its next customer, so let's see what wonderful cosmic bolts of life comes my way till then.

Angkor What?

2008-12-14T23:11:00.029+08:00

My trip to Siem Reap summarised in a photo story:
See all of 'em on my Flickr page. All are under Creative Commons so feel free to use/distribute! Just don't forget my credit!

Opening sequence. My first trip on a tuk tuk was far from exciting but was eager to see what Siem Reap has to offer.

A brutal wakeup call, but well worth it! Behold - sunrise at Angkor Wat.

Meet my shutter-totting Singaporese companions: (left-right) Kenneth, Laura and Jasmine.

I stumbled upon this meagre-looking family near Ta Prohm’s gate fishing for whatever the hell’s in that putrid water. I snapped away blissfully at the youngest child holding a bag dirty fish when suddenly a large group of Korean tourists noticed me and came rushing up cooing and ‘awwing’ at the kid.
I backed away quickly like an animal leaving his prey to bigger nastier hunters.

At least they gave him sweets.

The mighty Bayon complex.

Having missed out on a day with my Singaporese campanions, I wandered aimlessly away from the hustle and bustle of the city centre. I was fortunate enough to have stumbled upon a mosque where prayers were being said.
I cautiously approached the unsuspecting crowd, only to be temporarily kept at bay by a boy at the gate, staring at me albeit unmenancingly. Carefully tiptoeing over the scattered slippers and sandals I hovered around outside quietly, my shutter flapping away like some annoying sound in the background.

December 7th: The day of the Angkor Wat International Half Marathon.

I clocked in 21km at approx 2hours and 15 mins. Not bad for my first even long distance run.

Sunset at Prohm Bakeng.

What serendipity. I only heard about this MTV EXIT concert 2 weeks before I flew. It's Angkor Wat's first ever rock concert! It was free entry but tickets were issued via an online lottery system for foreigners. I, on the other hand, managed to blag for a media pass and free tickets for my homies!
And how's this: Headlined by Placebo!! I'm a fan alright but not enough as I didn't recognise some of their songs.
So here's what I knew from their setlist: Meds, Teenage Angst, 20 Years, Hang On To Your IQ and Passive Aggressive. More available on my Flickr page.

At a drab-looking teeny village on our way to Kompong Phluk, overturned boats and discarded fishing nets symbolised the harsh dry season that has taken hold. Fishing is the main source of income here and I often inquired whether China’s gargantuan Three Gorges Dam project had any adverse effect on the Mekong. Most were fazed at my questioning, claiming they’ve never heard such an accusation. Well, there’s my attempt at a story gone into humid air.
The people here were so poor the huts barely looked intact. Two naked children frolicked under an upturned boat, languishing in the shade away from the unrelenting sunlight. One seemed to playing with a bowl of mud when I realised it was actually food. “Here”, I thought, “have a vegetable cracker.” He was duly rewarded with a balloon afterwards and I don’t know if he’s seen or much less held a balloon before, but he seemed mesmerised enough to leave us with a rewarding feeling as we left and made way for the enchantingly titled ‘floating village’. More abject poverty awaited us.

A passing smile warmly greets us to Kompong Phluk, 'The Floating Village'.

We shared lunch at a family home where our shy hosts brought pineapple soup, morning glory and possibly the best fish I’ve had in a long time. And I don’t even like fish. But I do hanker for Irish wild smoked salmon. Damn.
I saw a child taking huge gulps of the water under his boat. Looking around the neighbourhood there’s no viable source of fresh water. I mean, the entire village is surrounded by a murky emerald-coloured water. And guess where all those pipes from the homes lead to? All mineral water, beer, soft drinks had to be laboriously transported here. If this is meant to be a tourist destination then it left me with a sobering rather than the usual touristy-rewarding feel afterwards. It feels sometimes that the fact I was born in Ireland, Europe, the First World or whatever dictates I would most likely lead a more comfortable life than the large majority of the world’s population. So in fact it’s like a lottery. An old saying goes ‘the one thing you can’t choose is your parents’, but where do your parents live?

I felt somewhat irked when a hawker tried to sell me notepads and pencils, claiming I buy them to give the local school children. Pointing at passing children and describing their poor fate as I pathetically tried to escape her clutches, she was blatantly playing on tourists’ guilt. And for that she ain’t getting one damn Riel. So mental note, bring lots of pencils and paper with me next time. And chalk. When I visited the classroom the teacher’s last remaining bit of chalk was so small I was careful it didn’t crumble between my fingers. Instead, Jas snatches it to scrawl a Singapore flag on the blackboard. I was bleedin’ mortified.

One of Siem Reap’s children’s hospitals is under the helm of Dr. Beat Richner from Switzerland. Completely independent of the Cambodian health system, Jayavarman VII not only doles out free medicine but is also one of the most cost-effective and efficient hospital in the whole country. Well, for one thing his annual budget is about US$20 million a year from donations while the Cambodian health system gets US$52 million. Buoyed by his fame and successes I went along and donated blood. Got a free Coke too.

A boy observes the long wait he'll have to endure to get free medical treatment.

I found 18 monks lounging at Bo Wat Temple just off the touristified epicentre of SR. Three were smoking under a tree – looking holy and cool, one kicking a football, four seemed to guard a sacred-looking drum and two stared at me as I approached the gate. A brief pause. It was Monny with his effervescent orange robe who sidled up to me first with an emphatic hello, I returned the gesture with relief. After some initial laconic exchanges, I learned he’s 18, studying English and Japanese, loves Jackie Chan films and didn’t know where and what Ireland was. Well, at least he didn’t have to question my dubious accent.
I made it an aim to send my subjects their photographs by email and unfortunately Monny didn’t have one (others before did!). I thrusted him my business card and told him to email me when he gets one. He was taken aback as if I gave him gold and proceeded to study the words, probably trying to deduce just what the heck a ‘multimedia producer’ does. As I manoeuvred around the complex, the sunlight bounced off the effervescent orange robes giving the room a comfortable glow. I left shortly after and waved Monny off, him still clutching my card.

On the way to the airport via tuk tuk speed, it suddenly dawned on me the end is beginning. It was back to the drudgery of work life and the increasingly vexatious cosmopolitan environment. It all sank down my spine with a tendril of melancholy. With my SG companions already back home a few days before my departure, I yearned for someone to say goodbye to. Oh sure, my tuk tuk driver would be polite to say it only after I give him my last crumpled up fistful of greenbacks, but a more heartiful goodbye. What about those numerous kids I gave toothbrushes, biscuits, a ‘shuang’ Coca-Cola postcard left over from Beijing and an MTV EXIT sticker? Ah well, Just the usual travel withdrawal symptoms coming on I guess. Moments later, an overcrowded car full of what seemed to be workers sped past me. I made eye contact with one of them and he waved at me. Because I was a foreigner? Or that he knew I was heading to the airport? Never mind I thought, maybe there’s no reason. But it’s one reason to have this as my parting shot.

Cambodia, here I come!

2008-11-29T02:48:00.004+08:00

I can't remember the last time I've posted some reasonably good news. But anyway, I'm holding my brand-spanking new (and improved) Irish passport and am fully booked for Cambodia. Before that I had been tearing my heart out not being able to run the Angkor Wat marathon because I really wanted to do it - to achieve something I've never done before. I've had no goals or ambitions since coming back from Beijing and knowing that leaves me kinda stuck in a rut. And I don't enjoy that feeling. Another core reason is when I'm completely shattered after finishing the run, collapse on the grounds of Angkor Wat and stare up at the sky, I hope it will offset those feelings of love-forlorn melancholy that his plagued me since Beijing. Yes, for a third time I have been beset by these seemingly childish but excruciating feelings of why must my love is always doomed to be unrequited. Sounds melodramatic I know, but instead of feeling shitty about it I've finally acknowledged that it's just the way things are with me - fate and destiny don't mix well when I'm in the middle.

I have big aspirations in achieving many things in the field of journalism and if I have to walk this path alone in vagrancy then so be it. It's bittersweet to say that but also consoling in a way. Because every time it happens it leads me onto bigger things and changes - with good results in the end. This Cambodian trip may be my latest venture because of that. I do admit it is one of the reasons why I'm going there, because I knew it might offer me some respite.

And also as a bonus, I've learned that Angkor Wat will be hosting its first ever concert! And a rock one too with Placebo headlining it! On the same day as the race!! I'm just so stoked right now, really. Be happy for me.

Home is where the heart is... but where is my heart?

2008-11-23T00:05:00.003+08:00

First of all, check out my Irish friend's awesome electronic band Le Galaxie, their latest album's been out for over a year, and the album cover's is of Hong Kong's very own Lippo building! Also taken by another Irish friend. But yes, I'm a little late in promoting it but I had just been reacquainted with their music since that very guy emailed me out-of-the blue today regarding a video featurette I did of the band ages ago.

Anyway back to the title...

Many people ask me if I'll ever return to Ireland and I always shrug in return. And if I'll stay in Hong Kong? I also shrug back. Truth is, I'm starting to wonder if I'd truly consider both to be 'home'. Naturally my place is birth is the obvious choice but I just don't see myself back there in the forseeable future. I think I lost a lot of friends since I've left (especially the acquaintainces, so to speak). And three years ago I had such a yearning to leave sometimes I feel in a perverse way that my skin condition was a good thing because it gave me the stimulus to come and stay in Hong Kong. But now fast forward, I'm beginning to feel a sense of detachment. There's a Cantonese term I've recently learned and it's pronounced as 'saw ley', meaning lonely or detached. But it's a term exclusively used in urban life and is especially apt for a metropolis like Hong Kong. That is, despite the vibrant social life and you bump into people every where, you still feel somewhat alone or isolated.

Perhaps it's because I have no sense of 'home'? Stuck between both worlds? I've actually had this conversation with a few expat-Chinese and they feel the same - the 'home' part anyway. I always thought I had the best of both worlds considering I'm well versed in Chinese traditions and speak the local lingo. But now I don't know where I stand. If I can't call Ireland or Hong Kong home, then there's no real other choice is there? Perhaps I'm destined to be a vagrant.

Confronting my inner demons

2008-11-20T03:45:00.002+08:00

For quite a while now I've had these recurring imaginations in my head where I'm getting injured in hostile situations - be it getting shot as a war photographer, knocked down by a car while saving someone or getting struck by a baton at some protest. I realised early on I wasn't being masochistic or sadist, but probably is a deeper symbolism for my yearning to be feel 'alive' as it were. Bleed a little here and there; to be in a situation where your life is in danger and all that. I think I need more reflection on these thoughts. It can't be healthy.

Going awry

2008-11-07T01:02:00.004+08:00

I have been putting so much hope and anticipation into running this Angkor Wat marathon in December. Not only it would've been a great way to celebrate my birthday, but accomplishing my first marathon at such a magical place was my one way to get me out of this lull. I feel by achieving this feat I would be re-energised somehow. I've been out running about 10km every 2-3 days and it feels great as my endurance is improving. Running also gives me great clarity: in other words, I don't think about anything else other than my breathing. That clarity is in fact, blankness, voidness, or to put it more romantically, peace. I've also been actively avoiding any social outings that'd require heavy drink or smoke. I had been banking it as a pseudo-remedy for my recently unfounded lethargy and creative lull.

THAT, and I've always wanted to see Angkor Wat.

But now my hopes have been utterly shattered by the fact that I won't be able to get my visa due to my passport's looming expiry. The fact had completely escaped me. I even bailed out of work apply for my passport renewal yesterday at the consulate but it'll take at least 4 weeks to get it done, i.e. I'll have it back on December 5th at the soonest - the race is on the 7th. But fuck it, I'll still pay the registration fee because the deadline is coming up. So if in fact I do get my new passport before the race, hopefully the Cambodian embassy has one of those express one-day visas available.

I initially wanted to leave on the 3rd to get acclimatised etc. I even got my boss to write a letter for me urging the authorities to process it quicker so I can go there on a 'news assignment'. Apparently it works according to the nonchalant woman at the consulate. But I don't know, it just looks highly unlikely my plans will go... according to plan. I shall be obsessively scouring my post box in the coming weeks.

Latest musings

2008-11-01T01:29:00.002+08:00

Hello cyberworld... I find myself updating less and less these days. It can be seen as a good thing really, i.e. less moaning, heh.... ugh.

Still have that yearning to get out there and do something spectacular and resounding. If it means travelling to the ends of the Earth then so be it. I'm ready at any moment, just like a cougar pouncing on his prey when the opportunity comes.

But at the moment I'm concentrating on training for the half-marathon at Angkor Wat next month. So much so I've developed a special playlist for when I run. Some best examples include: 'The Boondock Saints Theme', 'Bombs - Faithless', 'Clubbed to Death - Rob D', 'Phat Planet - Leftfield', 'Right Here, Right Now - Fatboy Slim', 'Motown Liar - A Roller Control' (awesome new Hong Kong electro band) and 'Keep Hope Alive - The Crystal Method'. Not only do these songs get my blood pumping but their pace & rhythm keeps my breathing at a regular pace too. I do doubt I can run 21km at the given average time though, yet I'm well aware I always do things the hard way, or as in learn the hardest way. The mode of thinking being that since this is my first marathon, I should start with say, 10km. Actually, 15km would be perfect but if you're going to aim then aim high I say.

My friend from Ireland is starting to shoot his beloved pet project short film tomorrow and of course I've volunteered the whole weekend to help him out. It's good to see someone's doing their 'grand project'. Makes me think about what mine would be. I guess I'm still shopping around. To date, I haven't single-handedly produced my own feature, photo essay or documentary. I really don't attribute it to lethargy, but I really, really don't have any inspiration! Perhaps I've been too stupefied by 'working' too much. My interest in video is waning thanks to that. Some say it's naive to 'wait till something comes by' while others say 'trying is the first step to failure'. Well, what ever I'm waiting for or hoping to try, I shall indubitably give it my best.

Creative Commons Hong Kong launched

2008-10-26T13:42:00.002+08:00

http://creativecommons.org/international/hk/

If you're one of those people who have tonnes of material just sitting on Flickr or other media sharing sites, why not attribute them to Creative Commons?

Another moan update

2008-10-21T01:39:00.006+08:00

Yes folks, after I brief intermission I'm here with another moan. Well, at least it keeps things in perspective for me. So here goes:

It doesn't look like I'm making much headway on finding 'new opportunities' out there. As much as I'd like to disappear for a while the consequences of my lavish spending in Beijing is starting to catch up with me. I'm still in the red - not too knee-deep - but I ought to be safely afloat on some sort of cash surplus before I quit and go gallavanting around somewhere. Looks like the only adventerous thing I'll be doing before the end of the year is the Angkor Wat marathon. And yet I've been procrastinating on organising the damn excursion: haven't applied for annual leave yet, no plane tickets or registration. Secretly I'm waiting for some good news so I can resign in November and be free by December and start 2009 afresh.

My work mentality has always been about doing tasks to the best of my ability, even the shittest of all tasks. For example, if there's some frivilous and irrelevant video I'm working on, I'm still going to produce a finely-edited piece of work. But now I feel I work like a careless automaton - devoid of emotion and overlooking simple mistakes. Where's the passion gone? In fact, the last time I really felt excited producing a video was last November, the one about laser graffiti. Out of all the credits I've got that's definitely the one I'll be proud of. I think this kind of ties in with my waning interest in video. Or at least web video.

My boss tells me when one does change job in this field, you can't just move 'laterally', you've got to keep moving up. Well, to be honest I wouldn't even mind moving down - as in lower pay - to get the thrill I want. Hell, I wouldn't mind not getting paid if someone was willing to send me into a war zone or desolate country doing what I do best. I don't mean to sound like a masochist, but I've always been fascinated about war journalism. I would very much like to see how I'd fare in such environments. I actually sometimes day dream about being in the military again. Hmm.

I met a musician today who's song 'Shoebox in a City' reminded me of my current predicament. On the one hand it's about her rather claustorphobic apartment in SoHo and the transience of Hong Kong on the other - how everybody comes and goes. Yet, in the end she takes solace and accepts 'the view' from her apartment. Should I accept it too? Someday, but not now. I will not compromise my spirit to go do the things I want to do in the name of journalism. This feeling of change must be reconciled soon. It's really dragging me down. Starting to get slightly anhedonic to be honest. Eek. Even the spoils of a good night out along with alcoholic revelry is very short-lived. I go to cinemas, museums, art galleries, gigs and I just can't seem to take anything inspirational away with me. The only task remotely satisfying is the most physically toughest and that's running/jogging till I'm completely shattered. That feeling when you're at near-collapse is such a high! All the world's troubles seem to float away once you're panting away and gasping for air.

But yes, ultimately I need to do something challenging and also meaningful in the macro sense. Not just for me, but for the benefit of others - like telling stories or recording scenes that ought to be known about, no matter how difficult the task. It's vague, I agree. But I can't tell you anything else that I'd rather do in my life. And when you see that goal dangling in the distance, how can you be content just sitting on your arse and not knowing how to go about achieving it? And furthermore, Past grievances over love-forlorn has made me realise that if I have to walk this path alone then so be it. I don't want to get hung up on these issues anymore. If it's not meant to be, it's just simply not meant to be, Ed. Fuck's sake... just FUCK IT!!

The power of photography

2008-09-24T23:43:00.004+08:00

I don't think my video skills have improved much since being in Beijing, but I can take solace that my venture in China - and Mongolia - has boosted my enthusiasm in photography. I've also discovered the beauty of black & white!

I've gotten good feedback from friends and strangers (i.e. Flickr, etc.) saying 'oh, how professional!' and telling me I should enter some competitions. I'm too humble so I usually deflect these compliments into thin air. Sorry if I sound disingenous!

But after watching this video with David Griffin (below), photo editor at National Geographic, I'm quite convinced that although I've long been a proponent of video, the power and attraction of awesome photography is undeniable, and eternal. Photos like McCurry's 'Afghan refugee' or MuCullin's 'Shellshocked' oozes with so much emotion. Photos like these would stick more easily in people's minds that say, a really good documentary. Both have their pro's and con's but I'm determined the make the best of both mediums. I've also created a new gallery at Nat Geo's 'Your Shot' site.

While I've been assessing my career predicament, whether or not to leave Hong Kong and debating the worth of my existence, the quest to become a better photographer (and storyteller) has begun. I've started to research potential photo essays or multimedia slideshows to do. Good thing is I've always got SCMP as a platform... while I'm still there. This also reflects my waning passion in creating video, especially at my job. I no longer feel the excitement when starting a new project. I'm also to blame: I've just been doing assignments given to me and not being proactive enough in doing the subjects I'm interested in. Another reason for that is because of the lack of feedback from the work we've done. Hell, most of our reporters have never even seen our material. The only closure we get are the inane comments on YouTube. Even 'bad' feedback or criticisms would be good. I feel I'm getting too comfy, not challenged enough and my routine too... regimented. That's why I always envy the freedom of freelancers. Though some I know aren't too keen on their independence either, citing a lack of stability.

To end things before I blabber on: I received this email today from a certain someone and it went like this:

"Hi Ed,

How are things going? You're life is looking more and more like I wish mine did! You're definitely the most interesting facebork friend I've got, and your photos are getting better and better!...

...Cheers, hope you're as happy and stimulated by the world as you appear!"

I was flattered by her opening statement.

As for the closer, well, I just half-heartedly chuckled at the irony of it all. It's not that I'm unhappy but, man, this sinking feeling has yet to be rectified. It's no-one's fault, certainly not Hong Kong's either as some have suggested. The SAR has been good to me, there's no denying that. I've done so much here, met so many great people and I DO NOT take it for granted. But amid all the work and achievements I've done, there's always been that element missing. Someone to really share it with.

I finished off my reply to the above recipient by: "thanks, but hey, at least you got someone to love."

"A summer of Olympic revelry"

2008-09-19T17:38:00.004+08:00

I know it seems a bit disingenuous to my very own blog but this post is actually from our SCMP website where I discuss my experiences working in Beijing during the Olympics.

A summer of Olympic revelry.

So now that the Summer Games are officially over and the reins have been handed to London authorities for 2012, I thought I'd reflect on my experiences working in Beijing throughout the Olympics as a multimedia producer and photographer.

My first day at work was May 12 - a day of tragedy when the Sichuan earthquake occurred. I remember sipping noodles at a food court opposite our Beijing bureau when I suddenly felt an unusual movement coupled by what seemed to be a head rush. It was only later that day I realised it was in fact the massive temblor that has now claimed over 30,000 lives.

It was a giant blow to the psyche of the Chinese people who were busily readying themselves for the Olympic Games. A three-minute silence was held at Tiananmen Square one week after the quake to honour the deceased. May 19 was an unprecedented showing of mass mourning that got the attention of the world.

The media got its first look inside the iconic National Stadium or the "Bird's Nest" during the China Athletics Open. However there was a problem with my accreditation for the event. Our Olympics editor, Peter Simpson, suggested I use his press pass instead. If you thought it would be difficult enough for me to get past security, it also had his photo on it! Despite my initial concern, he assured me it would be no problem, citing the lack of credible security measures. And sure enough I strolled through. Still to this day I don't understand how I managed to pull it off.

One of the most interesting people I came across was a delightful police officer called Liu Liwen. I was impressed with his English (which he learned from watching various Hollywood films), but he also has a grasp of other languages such as Spanish, Swedish and Japanese. As you'll see in the video below, his New York accent and mannerisms are legendary.

Speaking of English skills, I attended a free language course taught by volunteer teacher Dana Ding. Her students were not only Olympic volunteers but also ordinary Beijing residents who wish to improve their English in time for the Games. Many were elderly people, and I was amazed by their linguistic ability and the enthusiasm they showed.

Since 2001, when Beijing won the bid to host the Games, authorities have launched a fervent redevelopment campaign throughout the city. However, one of the drawbacks has been the mass relocation, and at times eviction, of Beijing residents from their homes.

The neighbourhood of Dazhalan, south of Tiananmen Square, is a prime example. The government will demolish all old buildings in the area to pave way for the new. I met with antique store owner Li Fengxian, one of the last remaining tenants clinging on to her property. At the time I met her, the fate of her store was still unknown. She will just have to wait it out until the developers come knocking.

During my stay in the capital, the Beijing Organising Committee of the Games (BOCOG) regularly scheduled media tours. I had previously attended their events in the form of bland press conferences, i.e. those where "sensitive" questions, usually asked by foreign journalists, are always brushed aside. The first BOCOG outing I experienced was a trip to the spectacular Olympic Forest that boasted an equally spectacular view of the Olympic Green from its hilltop. It sounded like it would be a grand day out, but once we got off the coach the problems began.

The police kept us waiting at the entrance for 30 minutes despite the presence of BOCOG officials, and a game of "let me call my superiors" started. First of all, let me elaborate just how hot it was that day. Not only was the sky unusually clear, the mercury topped 35 degrees celsius. That equalled a lot of frustrated and sweaty journalists.

Once we finally got in, our indelible tour guides told us they didn't have enough cars to transport us to the hill top. So we had to take turns while the rest waited out in the open. Then there was the problem of arranging transport to go back down again. It was all a messy logistical affair. Not only that, the lack of English press releases really steamed some foreign reporters.

In the first case of a terror alert in Beijing, reporter Al Guo was on the scene when bomb disposal squads investigated a mysterious unattended bag on a street near the Forbidden City. Al took several photos of the incident but was brought aside by police and they questioned his intentions. Had Al told them he was a reporter they would've certainly deleted his photos.

With the stress of being the sole SCMP multimedia producer in town piling up, I took the opportunity for a quick getaway to Mongolia before the Games began. I was adamant I wouldn't do any work while I was there but I was so fascinated by the Naadam Festival, I couldn't resist! It's often referred to as the Mongolian Olympics and so it was an interesting opportunity to not only showcase this 2,000-year-old sporting spectacle but also to compare it to the Games.

I was fortunate enough to find an English-speaking wrestler to talk to me. In this video he said he has hopes for his compatriots, who up to this day have never won gold. His dreams came true when two Mongolians won gold at judo and boxing this August.

Back on the job again and refreshed from my Mongolian adventure, our very own paper made headline news on July 25. One South China Morning Post photographer, Felix Wong, was arrested when covering the chaos at Olympic ticket queues. Several other Hong Kong reporters were also manhandled by police. We tried to call him several times that day but to no avail. Felix eventually showed up back at the office frazzled but still in good spirits.

When I spoke to Felix for the video below, he wasn't allowed to discuss the fact that police charged him with assaulting an officer. What occurred that day is still disputed: police allege Felix kicked an officer in the groin and he was made to apologise. But the charges have since been dropped.

One Olympic highlight for me was meeting legendary sprinter Linford Christie. But first let me explain the background: Christie was in Beijing as an ambassador for the lingerie brand Triumph. The company held a fashion show at the 798 arts district and, as much as I'd like to ask a sporting celebrity about the latest underwear trends, I unabashedly delved straight into Olympic-related questions. Here's what he had to say.

My last assignment in Hong Kong before I left for Beijing was when the Olympic torch came to town. Seeing the flame again in Beijing in all its fiery grandeur was bit of a déjà vu. The atmosphere was just as electric, and hell of a lot more Chinese flags. The last leg of the relay kicked off at the Meridian Gate of the Forbidden City, the spot where previous dynasties beheaded all sorts of bad people. One funny moment was when Yao Ming returned from his short run and was chased by legions of fans half his size, including me. Well, I'm not really a fan but I wanted to get some sort of sound bite from him.

Protests by the Students for a Free Tibet got off to an elaborate start when one activist scaled a lamp post near the Olympic Green to unfold a free Tibet banner. I narrowly missed another daring protest at Tiananmen Square but was lucky enough to redeem myself by acquiring the footage from the group's founder. You might also want to visit our YouTube version which has been bombarded by pro-China comments.

Corporate parties were all the rage during the Games. Sponsors went all out to bring the hottest celebrities and wherever possible, the latest medal winners. Budweiser hosted a huge party and boasted swimmer Michael Phelps would be attending. It was the night he won his eighth medal so I was primed and ready for his arrival, waiting outside by the stage all night while occasionally nipping off for a free pint of Bud.

Unfortunately, Phelps was a no-show and we were all quite disappointed, I think we waited for five hours. However the night was not entirely lost: another Olympic legend, Carl Lewis, made a brief appearance and I was lucky enough to chat to him.

As you might be aware, there was a genuine lack of news stories during the Games. What I mean by that is that sport-related news reigned supreme. Audiences around the world were glued to their TV sets and reading up on who won what. So reporter Al Guo and I set off to do an investigative report on scalping. Of course, ticket touting is nothing new and is a staple of any major event.

But what was interesting this time was that, although the Public Security Bureau declared scalping illegal and offenders liable to fines and jail time, I still saw droves of touts lined up outside various venues waving their tickets about despite the police presence. You might think our mission was to assess the ridiculous prices they were offering – as many foreign TV crews did – but in fact I was more interested in how they operated, and why they weren't scared to do it in full view of police.

Forty-five videos later and it was time to produce my final report of a wrap-up of the 29th Olympic Games. You can watch the video below to assess the legacy of the Beijing Olympics.

On a more personal note, my stint in Beijing was eventful to say the least. It was quite exciting and daunting at the same time being in China during such a tumultuous period. As a journalist working behind-the-scenes I learned so much more about the Games and China than I would have as an ordinary bystander.

Overall I would say the Beijing Games have been a tremendous success. So successful in fact it seemed to pull a cover over various controversies that have dogged the Games: Air pollution, underage gymnasts, manhandling foreign journalists, censored internet access, the fickle lip-synching fiasco, to name a few. People love controversies but they're just as quick to forget them. Hence, the Beijing Games can be seen as a 'propaganda Olympics', a means to show the world how modern and powerful China has become. Coupled with the country's impressive medal tally it's a great source of national pride and unity for the Chinese people.

It will be interesting to see how China develops once it gets over its Olympic hangover. Though the Games are over, there is still a lot to talk about China: Will the Communist Party introduce political reforms? Will China become a greener country? Will its human rights track record improve? These are among the plethora of issues facing this rising superpower.

All in all, I was glad to be a part of it and I hope you enjoyed our coverage of this historic event.

2008-09-07T22:39:00.004+08:00

Sorry, I know I whine a lot. But I aim to do something about it. A friend once told me you either complain and live a lie, or you do something about it. Well my friend, I certainly aim to get things rolling. I've applied as a United Nations Volunteer, with emphasis on my media skills. I even added my military experience in the form...

I just need to bite my tongue and work a few more months with my present employer to even up my budget from my time in Beijing...

I also need to reorganise my equipment making me more mobile. So I'm selling my shoulder-mounted JVC camcorder, and buying a lighter, less conspicuous one. May also consider upgrading my DSLR. Oh, and buying a Mac too. We've traded our PC's for Macs at the office so I wouldn't mind getting more familiar with Final Cut.

2008-09-06T00:42:00.010+08:00

It's been a tough first week back in Hong Kong. I've somewhat recovered from the dreaded flu but still have enough mucus to fill a snot farm. And you know something's up when I'm staying up this late to blog despite my fatigued state.

The workflow and dynamics of my job description has changed and although I'm always one for change, this one is quite unsettling. Yes, perhaps I've still not settled in fully back into Hong Kong life or the normal work routine but I've begun detesting many things. All the familiar things to me that now seem so alien.

I thought I would come back a fresh man, boosted by my exploits on the mainland. Considering how much I wanted to leave Hong Kong in the first place, it seemed Beijing had done wonders in clearing my mind. Not the city or people itself rather, as I've begun to learn, but it was being away from here. I'm in no position to lambast this place or its people, but I've been struggling to keep afloat in HK and things seem to have went downhill late last year. This place is becoming less 'habitable' for me. I have less friends than before and I can't seem to 'improve' as an individual. I also feel my passion for doing what I do is waning. People say I'm lucky to find a job that suits me, and not to mention working for such a prestigious news organisation. I'm usually humble about it. But secretly inside I'm self-abased. I keep asking myself "is this the best I can do?"

All these problems are, as I've mentioned before, self-manifested. Therefore I feel it cannot be cured by anything tangible. It's time for a complete overhaul of my life and decide what's really best for myself. I've tried living the best I can. There's certainly been good times, I do not dispute that. In fact, life in general has been grand in HK. I've got no serious financial burdens, my skin condition has improved dramatically and I don't need to pay rent. I've got loving parents and family members. I've met wonderful and like-minded people whom I'm proud to call friends.

But this one element has always evaded me for the past, 6 years is it now? In my archives I've written a lot about 'G'. Lifting myself out of that abyss was the hardest thing I had to do - by fucking miles. And as I moved away to this place, thousands of miles away, it manifested itself again in almost the same nature - which is why I was so adamant in taking a 'retreat' to Beijing. (despite having to pay my own rent in order to work for the company) The heavy workload plus excitement of working in a foreign environment did a lot to cleanse me. But now I feel it coming on again. So anyway that's a big STOP sign right there.

And just can't for the love of my life explain why... and why it keeps happening... and more frequently it seems. Sure I'll probably get over it like I had previously. Do I fall in love too easily? I can't say I fall out of love just as easily however. Each time it seems to tear something away from me, leaving me more vulnerable. Suffice to say I'm sick of it. I'm sick of needing to pick myself up each time and having nothing to show for it. But deep down I acknowledge these people were, and are still worth loving. They've been forever ingrained in my memory. They've secretly altered my course in life. And it looks like it's about to happen again. She's... someone I adore very much. A beautiful human being. A cradle of creativity. Purely amiable. Like-minded. We even share a similar story of how our ailments brought us to HK, and how this city has boosted our credentials. But I don't see anything happening. I don't even pretend. Don't bother asking how I know. But that's fine, just a li'l bit of history repeating.

I know, it sounds very fickle. But to me it's a curse. I've said before I'm strong on many fronts, but for some reason I'm very sensitive to this. Almost childish. I wish I wasn't. I don't know understand why and how 'G' spun me in this direction. I was such a different person before I met her. Hell, she didn't even do anything. Again I say, it's self-manifsted.

Tell you one thing though, this flu has inadvertantly given me a lot of clarity. At first I thought this urge to change was caused by my severe grogginess and low spirits, but it's allowed me to look into myself very deeply. What I really want is something that keeps me on the move. I like to be in dangerous situations and I love that adrenaline rush. Living in a big (yet teeny) cosmopolitan city doesn't quite cut it. Rejoining the military is out of the question, however. I'm going to start looking for opportunities elsewhere. And I only decided this coming back home today in my fatigued state. It's begun, and it's oh-so clear to me now. To not follow this path would be hypocritical. And there's nothing I hate more than hypocrites. The ideal job would be as a media worker for an NGO (doubt I'm skilled enough yet for agencies) - hopefully to some godforsaken, war-torn and desolate place. That ought to keep me focused.

I'd hate to say I'm taking it for granted but I'm prepared to leave it all behind. I'm I being too cold and indifferent perhaps? My life may be less complicated if I was indeed cold and indifferent. But then again that wouldn't be like me at all. And that's the problem.

Hopefully my next post will be some good news. In some ways I hope it'll be my last... I know I'm sounding bleak. But lately this blog, apart from my Olympic-related posts, has been nothing other than a channel of my own confusion and dejection. While it has been therapeutic, it has to stop some day.

Good night.

p.s: "Mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death"

Yunnan pix are finally up...

2008-09-04T12:10:00.001+08:00

Check it!

That sinking feeling already...

2008-09-02T11:16:00.003+08:00

I know being away 4 months isn't that long but the journey home was most surreal. It was almost like a living deja-vu... the streets looked so familiar yet I felt detached.

I don't particularly miss Beijing nor am I excited being back. To be honest I didn't even miss anyone. Am I bad person? I know I'll be glad to see friends and family again but if any of them asked me if I missed them I'd say no... then they'd think I'm a complete dickhead! But it's sadly true. Perhaps because I was so engrossed in my work in BJ. But nevertheless I felt anxious coming home, it's like I felt I belonged here. It felt alien. Yet I never got that feeling when I was in Ireland.

I now officially am determined to look for opportunities elsewhere and most likely leave Hong Kong. There's nothing or no-one here to hold me down so I'll have no qualms in doing so. Sometimes I think I'll always walk down this path alone. Difference now is that I accept it, or rather I'm beginning to... I don't want to be bitter or melancholic about it anymore. I also think as if I've seen enough of Hong Kong and what it has to offer. It'd be great if I could be 'based' in HK but working around Asia most of the time.

What's changed I ask myself? Yes, it's due to recent events while I was away. I've been telling people "it's been emotional" during my time in Beijing - a vague but lovely line from Vinny Jones - but more so because I met someone who has indirectly shifted my mode of thought this way. It's almost that same old story again.. and as much as I want to fight it and pull through in the end - with each time seemingly losing a piece of myself - I know the desire to leave is just a cover, again. A sham really. I know I'm strong, disciplined, a soldier's soldier and an adrenaline junkie but I acknowledge there's this part of me that just wasn't designed properly to manage the whole love department. No-one's to blame but myself. I've also begun to learn that many of our problems are self-manifested. So it's time I did something about myself.

A whirlwind trip through Yunnan.

2008-08-30T12:40:00.006+08:00

After debating to go to Tibet and Xinjiang, I eventually settled to go to Yunnan with a friend for a 5-day power trip. I just so wanted to get away for a while now that the Games were ending. I remember glancing at the endless TV screens showing the closing ceremony in Lijiang. We went to Lijiang, Tiger Leaping Gorge, Shangri-la (aka Zhongdian) and Kunming. Even though it was pissing rain for most of the time it was still a great trip with great company. We even met some Irish travellers! Avril from Tipperary, Michelle & Edel from Ga-ga-ga-Galway.
People were super friendly... most of the time. I mean there are always those dodgy folk who want to take advantage of tourists but we managed to pull through relatively unscathed... that goes for our wallets too! We mostly played it by ear and some of our most exciting stuff came randomly... After getting lost finding the hiking path up Tiger Leaping Gorge we were fortunate to find a van that took us to their hostel and along the way appreciating the killer views of the gorge. Other hikers we met described some horror stories along the path!

Anyway, here's a sneak preview of my photos. I got hundreds to convert and this shitty laptop can't handle it all.

Songzhanlin Temple - Shangri-la

Old City - Lijiang

Tiger Leaping Gorge

Scary-ass chairlift up West Mountains - Kunming

I officially waved goodbye to friends and colleagues last night along with L, who's also leaving back to HK today. I certainly won't miss the smoggy skies... I even got a hacking cough the moment I touched down in BJ! But I'll lament the duty of being the single producer for the entire Games! Tough as hell, time-consuming and frustrating at times. But I learned a lot. Learned how to deal with stress, working in a foreign environment and most importantly the new invigoration to seek out stories - human-life stories that deserve to be told.

I know I'll be glad to return and seeing everyone again, but that lingering feeling of change and new adventure will comfortably sink in again. Need time to think...

Here's my last Olympics video...

Quick update on work...

2008-08-20T23:04:00.004+08:00

I met Carl Lewis at a Budweiser party! Actually I had been waiting all night for Michael Phelps who had won his eight medal but the bastard was a no-show. Oh well, Lewis is definitely a great consolation!

This video on scalpers was a bit ad-hoc. I was a bit low on story ideas so I thought this might make a good filler. Not much of a story to it really other than that BOCOG are blatantly ignoring their own laws. Very professional.

Interview with Singaporese director Tan Siok Siok who produced a charming documentary on Beijing and the Olympics called Boomtown Beijing.

Sigh, not long left till this Olympic adventure comes to an end. I have at least two more videos incoming before I bid farewell to the Beijing Bureau. It's been... emotional. Right now I'm looking for a short holiday somewhere in the motherland. I've always wanted to go to Tibet but since the whole riot spiel, tourism is very regulated and I know I'm not going to see the 'real' Tibet. And Xinjiang! Well, those apparent terror attacks have certainly put that restive region on the map.

A brief lull lately

2008-08-17T12:25:00.004+08:00

I should've seen this coming. Ever since the Games started, this entire week has been very uneventful for me. I missed two key protests by Tibetan activists which would've made good video. It's also been quiet on the news front since most is dominated by sports coverage. So from now on I've had to come up with my own stories to do and stop relying on the editorial side to spoonfeed me all the time. So after a brief creative lull, I've finally got some ideas going. And although the days have been tough it's good to have something going again.

It's only one more week till the closing ceremony and I shall endeavour to do as much as I can. Hell, I haven't enjoyed a proper day off in a month. I'll sleep when I'm back in Hong Kong!
Speaking of the 'aul SAR, I've realised how lethargic I was back there compared to how I'm operating now. I always complain it's because there's a dearth of interesting stories to do in HK (I don't even read the City Section of our paper), and the most sensational ones are celebrity scandals or other inane subjects. But deep down I feel that's been my excuse to not really go out and explore, and instead rely on our editorial team to feed us stories. It's just that when we're on our shift duties we're mostly confined to our computers so we don't have much room or time to do our own material. For the past year it has kind of dumbed down by craving for real life stories. Subjects like adversity, tragedy and anything quirky really attracts me. And I know there's plenty of these in HK. It just gets dissolved within the shiny facade of our city. I must shape a new mindset for myself when I return.

The motive for completely changing my mindset is because well, every day gone is a day wasted if you're not aiming to achieve something. I fear I may succumb to a 'normal' and constrained life of work and socialising, instead of being that freedom-loving, outwardly and creative individual I cherish to be. I've chosen this path to be a journalist/multimedia producer and cannot imagine myself doing anything else. Yet sometimes I feel I take it for granted. One must always strive to improve and know that you're always on a path of learning.

There will be... must be a shitstorm after this

2008-08-14T00:20:00.002+08:00

In the first instance of violations against media freedom during the Olympic Games, a British reporter from Independent News Television (ITN) was manhandled and detained while covering a Free Tibet protest near the Olympic Green.

This is another blatant act by police to clamp down on foreign journalists DESPITE China's promise of free, unhindered reporting of the Games! I hope the international media would have a bigger field day than how they responded when my colleague Felix Wong was detained last month. I don't mean to play the race card but this is after all, the first instance where a 'white' journalist has been detained in public. Before this, two Japanese photographers were allegedly beaten while covering the Xinjiang terror attacks.

On a more personal note of course I'm upset that I wasn't there when it happened. There's been a dearth of stories to cover as all the news is centered on sports now. I need to do something!!

Welcome to a hazy Olympic dawn

2008-08-09T18:49:00.005+08:00

Well it's finally here and I've got to say I was more anxious than excited about the Games' opening. Lousy work caused me to miss most of the opening ceremony. Though I was at Wangfujing underneath the big screen during the countdown. It was good to be part of the crowds at such an important moment rather than watching it at some dingy bar.

This week has been fairly brutal, but expected: From waking up at 2:30am to go cover the torch relay at the Great Wall to rushing to Tiananmen Square for an ad-hoc protest by Tibetan activists. My angle now has been adjusted to cover any protests or 'undesirable' scenes that the Chinese authorities don't want people to see.

Speaking of that ad-hoc protest, it was led by five foreign activists from Students for Free Tibet. A rather audacious protest and surrounded by patriotic Chinese. Unfortunately I couldn't get there in time but managed to snag the group's founder for an interview at the Square. John Hocaver says non-violent protests will continue. I wonder how many people he's got? Are we going to see droves of foreigners being deported throughout the Games? Anyway, I'm just glad I've finally done a video that gives a different perspective.

Linford Christie interview

2008-08-04T16:58:00.003+08:00

Having initially feigned some interest into Triumph (the sultry lingerie maker), I went on to ask Linford Christie (their 'ambassador' - don't ask me why) questions about the Olympics. He was so cool! I also had a one-on-one (no jokes, please) with former Miss Hong Kong Michelle Lee but her answers were shite so I abandoned it. Sorry guys.

Countdown begins: One month

2008-08-01T23:23:00.004+08:00

Just wanted to point out that it's one month to go before I leave Beijing. I thought I could recap my experiences so far these three months but they've honestly flew by. It feels like I've been on a personal retreat. I initially wanted to get away so much I was willing to do anything to get posted here, even though I couldn't give a toss about sports and the Games itself. Oh yes, and not to mention having to shaft for my own rent while my colleagues live it up at the 'company apartment'. Hah, but I'm over that really. It's been hard but fun so far. Come to think of it also feels like it's been a journalistic boot camp! Running a one-man operation in a foreign environment during the biggest media event in the world has its rewards, though. Experience. And that's how I've always wanted to work anyway, being my own boss and picking the stories I want.

Met a lot of interesting people along the way, especially some veteran foreign journalists. I don't tend to meet them much on the job in HK since we don't do hard news or go to pressers a lot. I listen attentively to their anecdotes and pompous stories because despite some of these guys' arrogance, they've got experience. And that's what separates us. Ironically however, but not in a negative sense, the two most interesting and like-minded people I've met so far are Hong Kongers. One's a newly-arrived who's a pseudo-journalist and multimedia practitioner like myself with an affinity for travelling to far-out places. Sounds exactly like me!
The other I'm surprised I had never met before in HK despite our mutual friends. A good photog and she's really lovely though - free-spirited and just purely amiable. *sigh*

Confirmation of SCMP photographer's non-aggression

2008-07-27T21:33:00.003+08:00

In the following footage by Cable TV News, it reveals how the injured police officer was indeed hit by a camera on the head, and not by SCMP photographer Felix Wong. The narrator even confirms this yet he fails to exonerate Felix. Moments later other police officers converge and restrain Felix, someone shouting "Why did you hit him?" While Felix responds "he pushed me!" That police officer now bending down is the same guy who got hit by the camera, so I don't understand why the cops would blame Felix for the incident. Unless they're deliberately trying to frame him? Furthermore, why is that cop being treated for injuries to his groin?? With this strong evidence I doubt those pigs will bring charges against Felix.

SCMP photographer detained... and released

2008-07-26T00:44:00.014+08:00

It's certainly been a bad few weeks for Hong Kong journalists: Apple Daily's Norman Choy who was denied entry into China; Now TV crew being told to wipe their tapes; Cable TV News 'assaulted' by police; damage to TVB's equipment by police; and today the detention of my colleague Felix Wong, a photographer. (And let's all give a quiet nod to Ching Cheong)
It was quite a tense day at the news room, I called him repeatedly in the afternoon to no avail. So when he walked back into the office - intact - later in the day needless to say we were all breathed a sigh of relief.
The details of his arrest are still sketchy - police allege he injured a police officer during their forceful removal. Apparently the officer is in a serious condition in hospital? The all-towering Xinhua has already come out and fingered the blame on Felix. Although he's scheduled to leave soon, the PSB say they may bring charges against him. I kept playing this scene from ATV News over and over again... it's the incident where police allege Felix 'kicked' a police officer: (In Cantonese)

At 2:07 when a cop drags down the cameraman off his ladder, his giant cam seems to have struck him in the head because for half-a-second maybe you see the cop bend down. Felix then appears on screen behind the fallen cameraman. Follow the cop who's bending over in pain with his hand covering his head. Same guy? For some reason Felix and the wounded cop are pushed towards together like they're telling Felix 'Look what you've done to him!' Fast forward a bit where Felix is being dragged away with a seemingly wounded officer. I can't say for sure if this was the cop Felix allegedly wounded or the one who got struck by the camera. But both are of the same rank (Captain).

I wonder if the Hong Kong Liaison Office will file any complaints against certain police... the Cable TV News reporter got man-handled quite roughly after all by those brutes. But from my experience I know Hong Kong crews have a certain tenacity when reporting back home... perhaps because there's so much competition as well as little room to maneuver, so some crews can get quite aggressive. Judging from the TV news footage I saw, the guys really didn't want to leave the press area and actively filmed their retreat. At the same time the mainland police revealed their usual brutish tactics so therefore a 'scuffle' was certainly going to happen!
But you know what, I'm glad us HK media guys have been getting a lot of attention. It goes to show how paranoid and scared the mainland government is of our media outlets, precisely because we're also Chinese. But we're really not! We can look like them, talk like them, enter China without a visa, blend in, yet free of government shackles - we are foreign media, but in disguise!

Here's a statement released by SCMP:

In regard to the detention of SCMP photographer Felix Wong by the Beijing police, the Editorial Department of the South China Morning Post makes the following statement (July 25, 2008):

Felix was detained this morning after being involved in a scuffle between Beijing policemen and members of the Hong Kong media while covering the sale of Olympic tickets. He was released this afternoon after paying a visit to the police officer he inadvertently hurt during the scuffle to express his regret. He has undertaken to assist the authorities with investigations into the incident.

It is most unfortunate that scuffles broke out between members of the Hong Kong media and Beijing policemen responsible for maintaining order at the points of sale. We believe Felix was just trying to do his job as a photojournalist. Both journalists and policemen, as well as the tens of thousands of Beijingers who queued up for the tickets, were victims of the relevant authorities’ failure to make proper arrangements for the orderly sale of tickets.

In regard to the detention of SCMP photographer Felix Wong by the Beijing police, the Editorial Department of the South China Morning Post makes the following statement (July 25, 2008):

Clever spamming technique...

2008-07-25T00:19:00.003+08:00

Being interested in worldly news, and helped some what by my profession, I spotted a rather peculiar email titled "Cambodia declares war on Thailand". I was like, shit! I clicked it and guess what it read inside: 'Pictures of your wife cheating you click here'. Fuckin' hell. It's SPAM!!!
I browsed my bulk folder for similar titles and here's another few I unearthed:

'Hilary Clinton Sex Tape Shocker'
'Breaking News Headlines and Video'
'Horse kicks Harrison Ford in Stomach'
'JFK memoirs reveal affair'
'Pope shot in attack in Australia'
'Oil found in California - millions promised'

I admit I would've fallen for some of these headlines but it just goes to show how clever (or desperate?) SPAM techniques have become. Some of these losers actually pay attention to current affairs to make up enticing titles! Possibly one of the worst jobs ever huh?

Naadam: The Mongolian Olympics

2008-07-24T23:29:00.002+08:00

At first I riled myself for working during my holiday in Mongolia, but alas it's labour of love that led me to produce a video on Naadam. It was all thanks to a rather knowledgeable Mongolian wrestler whom I proceeded to interview and hence produce something out of it.

Just a quick post to stroke my ego...

2008-07-22T01:29:00.005+08:00

Nah, not really. One of my haphazard photos splashed the front page of the SCMP today. It is ironic however that I didn't use (or bring) my awesome Nikon DSLR with me that fateful day I took the new Airport Express. It was the one time I didn't bring it because I feared security might think I was with the press what with all the equipment so I just brought the camcorder. Ah well, just my own little complaint. Just so you know us guys in multimedia almost never get a byline in the paper so I'll relish this! (I even got three!) Go team!!

Once again the designers didn't have enough room for a video logo so I'll be a dear and post it here:

ARGH!!!

2008-07-20T21:33:00.002+08:00

Why oh why I ask that two of my favourite bands which had previously broken up and reunited since played in Dublin in the past year??? I really do want to cry. Seriously.

Here's a clip of the mighty newly reformed Rage Against the Machine hammering it up at Oxygen:

Racial damnation!

2008-07-18T21:26:00.005+08:00

A colleague of mine broke a story yesterday about certain bars in 'Sanlitun' being ordered not to serve black people and Mongolians during the Olympics. It's caused quite a stir among our circles and the blogosphere with people desperately trying to confirm it.
The thing with black people is that police raided a bar earlier this year to clamp down on vice, but they seemingly only targeted black people. They even arrested the son of the Grenadian ambassador. Apparently, some blacks in the neighbourhood of Sanlitun are known to deal drugs.
Now, news of this is certainly going to rattle some cages. Although I'm sure my colleague is confident in his source, I really don't believe the Central Government would give such an audacious and racially discriminative order during such a multicultural and international event. Think of the backlash!! It would certainly put a dampener on China's 'coming out' party. (No, I don't mean China's gay)
As for the Mongolians? Perhaps because of many Mongolian prostitutes making their way here to earn some cash. They're kind of renowned in the vice circles in Beijing.

"From Super Power to Soviet Satellite"

2008-07-13T22:43:00.006+08:00

The title of a book about Mongolian history. Quite fascinating. Hard to believe this country of 3 million so high up almost conquered the known world. And they threw it all away over some ritual of returning to Mongolia due to the death of Khaan.
I went there mainly to get away from the drudgery of work in Beijing and man, once I got to Camp Toilogt in Muren I fully realised how much I needed a vacation! The air was so crisp and clean, the water so fresh and clear. And the scenery! Wow! Literally takes the air out of your lungs. It would probably be a developer's dream since there are huge tracts of virgin land... waiting to be turned into concrete. Good thing I doubt that'll happen on a mass scale in my life time! Which of course definitely warrants a few more visits in the near future. One aspect I'll also miss are the spectacular starry nights. Because Mongolia is so high up above sea level, the stars even seemed a little closer. I only noticed this after going out for a noctural pee, and I stood staring up at the sky for almost 20 minutes. I had then realised how much I missed this feeling of feeling so humble and mesmerised about how small and insignificant I am. (In a good way)

Don't recommend Ulaanbatar though, what a dump. I guess it's hard for a nomadic race to get used to city life, which pretty much explains why everything's so haphazard and dirty. You got to respect the Mongolians though, their history certainly demands respect of them.

Pics of Muren & Ulaanbatar and a secondary set of the crazy runners who did the Mongolia Sunrise to Sunset 100km marathon which was the main reason my friend invited me to go. Photographing the runners really inspired me to try a marathon. Although I like running and jogging, the idea of a marathon never crossed my mind. But seeing them how happy and fulfilled they were after completing the gruelling course really inspired me to try... not 100km of course, a half-marathon first at least! Check out www.ultramongolia.com for details of their next race.

It was also good timing since the trip included a visit to Mongolia's Naadam festival, an annual sports event featuring the 'Three Manly Sports': Horse racing, archery and wrestling. The wrestling is well-known - big half-naked guys wearing speedos... manly indeed.

Unusually clear day yesterday... and sweltering

2008-07-04T11:37:00.003+08:00

Once again BOCOG herded us journos like sheep for an excursion to the yet opened Olympic Forest Park. But yesterday was by far the worst co-ordinated. Before I begin complaining bear in mind it was almost 40 degrees Celsius under a blaring sun. Firstly the timing was tight as it took quite a while to get to the Park from the Media Centre. There would be a presser at the centre 1.5 hours later, giving us little time to do our work at the Park. As the PR lackey conveyed on the coach telling us we'd only have 20 minutes... so it begs me wondering why they picked such a tight schedule??
Anyway, once we got there it was chaos. The cops kept us outside for 10 minutes, blocking other visitors and leaving us baking in the sun. OK, then we pack the parking lot when they realise there's not enough carts for all of us. There was no queue, every one was for the themselves clamouring onto them. And then they got delayed, we were waiting here and there with no air con.
We took the carts to the highest point known as 'Tian Jin' or heavenly view. It was quite impressive. Even more so since we could see Bird's Nest almost a mile away on an actual clear day!! The last batch of journos returned to the Media Centre and the presser was delayed by over an hour. If that day wasn't hard enough, I had to do an all-nighter to edit two videos for today. I literally collapsed when I got home. Enjoy.

Not a pro or anti-China comment...

2008-07-04T02:20:00.003+08:00

I'm starting to think there's a subconscious conspiracy against China, especially from western intellectuals/writers (yes, like me). It's like some they view China with scorn, jealousy and a bit of snobiness (spotted some colleagues already). They deliberately poke holes at China for the sake of it. It's like okay, the Olympics are coming up, it's prime time to make them look bad to the world... Where does it come from? Is it because they're jealous of China's rising dominance? They don't like the idea of a powerful non-white, non-democratic country? They feel their notions of democracy and civil rights gives them the authority to lambast? Most wire and foreign stories I read tinge with criticism. And sure, articles ought to criticise but I really wonder how their ideology and mentality leans. I really doubt if they go out there and fetch news with a purely 'objective' nature. I should start questioning another foreign journos next time on it. You find me a purely objective journalist!

Although I don't approve of many things the central government does, but if over a billion of its inhabitants are complacent and not too fussed about their apparent harsh policies, who am I to judge? Oh, and you might say that's because they've been brainwashed and lack the critical thinking needed... Really?? You think they're too dumb to know they're being oppressed? Pah, even if some do feel that way I won't be surprised if they're still complacent. With the permeation of western values you'd think lay people already know what democracy is? Or have you thought they actually don't want that? They know how their country is run.

An old Chinese-saying goes: 'Every family has its own rules'. I'm sick of foreign journos riding high on a pedestal like they're fucking saviours and bastions of democracy. Why don't you go home and fix your own country's problems first... because YES! No country's perfect!! Even democracies!!!

Curse of the Olympic fuwas: Omens or pure coincidences?

2008-07-02T16:01:00.007+08:00

Either way, the fuwas' connection to a string of disasters this year in China is too intriguing to ignore. First off I don't believe in omens since they attribute beliefs in a god/gods or supreme beings. But I will still analyse the facts from different sources...

Jingjing: a panda connected to Sichuan, the site of the Woolong panda preservation facility = Sichuan earthquake

The panda is the national symbol of China as well as an international symbol of environmentalism. Could China's massive cosumption of filthy coal and other environmental degredations be connected? On another note, a Chinese seismologist, Li Shihui from the Chinese Academy of Sciences said he had earlier predicted the earthquake would occur but American scientists described it as an 'oddity', saying they had been monitoring seismic activity in the region for over a year without any hints.

Huanhuan: a fire-bearing creature = Controversy over Olympic torch relay

The character's head piece comes from a design in the Mogao Caves of the famous Chinese Buddhist grottoes. Which begs the connection to Tibet since most protesters of the relay were so-called 'pro-Tibetan'.

Yingying: a rare antelope species originating from Tibet = Tibetan riots

Nini: a kite referencing to the Kite City of Weifang = train collision that killed 70 and injured 436

Beibei: a rare sturgeon fish originating from the Yangtze river = floods in Southern China and the death of one of five sturgeon fish which were presented as 'Olympic gifts' to Hong Kong.

The sturgeon fish was eaten by a barracuda only 2 days after they were given to Hong Kong. Baffled officials at Ocean Park say in the 10 years the barracudas had been kept there, they've never shown any aggression before.

2008-06-29T04:33:00.003+08:00

Taken at Beijing railway station. Having just installed an x-ray machine at the entrance for the ticket office, a cop dozes off at the screen. Yes ladies & gentlemen, officer sleeps-a-lot here to protect and serve... in his fucking dreams he is! And why would a ticketing office need x-ray machines? The main entrance to the station didn't even have any! I swear, moments after I snapped it a senior police officer walked past and saw him but didn't even say a word. Could it just be this one guy that provokes this generalisation of slackness? No, I have seen enough in the 2 months I've been here to feel very insecure, if indeed there was a threat of course.
Apologies for the blurriness, had to take it on the sly with my camera phone while pretending to be talking on it. Nearby security guards wouldn't like me snapping away.
I'm particularly aghast at lax security in Beijing and I have on a few occasions personally put that to the test. Nothing too illegal, don't worry! The scaremongering about Tibetan and Xinjiang terrorists may all be bullshit but when you have muppets like him not doing his job properly it just tears me up inside! They purchase all these expensive x-rays and beef up security like its martial law, and yet many guards are so tardy and astonishingly young too. I think their aptitude tests consist of colouring within the lines or some shit...

2008-06-26T00:12:00.004+08:00

Me with Mr. John Sweeney of BBC Panorama near Tiananmen Square. I'm not so easily star-struck by celebrities and such, but for journalists it's a whole different matter. These are people who really earn their money.

I have not seen Panorama since I left Ireland and it was only a recent YouTube video I watched of John that refreshed my memory of him (Or else I probably wouldn't have recognised him as he was crowded around by Iraqi football fans). Though what I was really surfing for on YouTube on that boring day at the office were TV reporter bloopers, and that infamous clip of John screaming at a scientologist popped up. Great stuff.

He and his producer told me some horror stories about being tailed by black Audi's and their hotel room being broken into. Though they didn't tell me the plot of the programme I understood their caution. Though I can certainly make a big guess! Media freedom, torture, Sichuan etc. He tells me that once it's broadcast on 4th August (4 days before the Olympics), China may well blacklist him and the BBC will certainly get some flak. Which would be awkward since BBC's one of the broadcasters at the Games.

Er, hello China...

2008-06-22T13:14:00.002+08:00

Holy shit! My blog's been uncensored in China! Well, that certainly takes the air of mystery away... poo.
Um, might as well post something productive then! Check out my latest Beijing vids:

Qianmen Street: Can you believe I just snuck in... I squeezed through the rickety dividers and a security guard knowingly saw me as we did a sort of stand-off for 5 seconds before I moved on. Another fine example of lax security.

Beijingers learn English: This is a cute one. Their enthusiasm was contagious!

Mass Games: Legendary Beijing expat Nick Bonner is a North Korean tour operator and the jist of this story is that he'll be away during the Olympics celebrating DPRK's big 60th bash. Wish I was too.

Feeling the heat

2008-06-19T23:54:00.003+08:00

Foreign reporters are beginning to show frustration at BOCOG's apparent bias against them. AFP had a story about reporters complaining about lack of access to star Chinese athletes, whereas state media get all the bites. So I ask this: why do they care about interviewing Chinese athletes? Surely respective media organisations would care about their compatriots more? So then I realised it was just the wire agencies complaining about this. In that case I don't give a fuck about their problems!
I have nothing personal against the competent journos and snappers of AP, AFP and Reuters but it's just that I hate seeing us using their material in principle (including the government automatons at Xinhua). I would say almost half of our stories/photos are wire material. Think how more pluralistic and diversified news out there would be if all major newspapers can fork out for their own correspondents/photographers around the world. It's just sad seeing papers using the same wire material for breaking news and stuff. I've been irked many times when our paper used wire photos for the front page... on local stories!! Most recent memory was of the USS Kitty Hawk, goddamn I guess I wasn't even angry, just disappointed.
Back to the main topic: the government does seem to be u-turning on its promise to allow unprecedented freedom to foreign journalists, Tibet still being off limits. The stooges just seem to keep making up new restrictions and barriers for journos. Being in a gray area myself, I am just so damn curious to see how it plays out.

Ireland railroads Lisbon Treaty...

2008-06-13T23:15:00.008+08:00

Ireland has always been a thorn to the European Union elites and just like the Nice Treaty voters have said a resounding 'No' to the Lisbon Treaty that apparently seeks to streamline decision making within the EU (and many other smaller things). Sinn Fein was the main protagonist in the 'no' camp and even though most TD's supported the treaty, our little staunch Republican minority in government managed to pull it off, don't ask me how. This is kind of like the '12 Angry Men' scenario - every member state needs to ratify the treaty or else they can't drive Lisbon through. Perhaps the bigwigs should just um, scrap that rule? Maybe a 80% majority would suffice? Morons.

It may seem hypocritcal, or even a tinge of betrayal against the EU who had been instrumental in Ireland's phenomenal economic growth in the past 15 years. Those poor saps who worked so hard in selling Lisbon can kiss their sorry treaty goodbye thanks to the hard-necked Irish. I would've personally voted no too. Left-wing conspiracy perhaps? I don't listen to neither side any more, I'm just glad we were able to hold a referendum while the other 490 million EU citizens sit idly by. Either way, democracy has spoken and I am proud my compatriots are the only ones in the EU (less than 1% of the total population) to have a voice in this. Never before has Ireland had to make such an important decision in its history (as a free state, of course).

Critics say the Lisbon Treaty undermines smaller EU states and may threaten Ireland's neutrality stance - already tarnished by allowing US airplanes en route to Iraq.
Since I've been away so long I admit I hadn't taken any interest in Lisbon till today. Here's something I dug up that compacts what the No camp is propagating...

One month on...

2008-06-13T00:18:00.002+08:00

I'm not one for milestones or anniversaries, heck I don't even like celebrating my own birthdays but anyway it's been one month so far on my Beijing stint. Rather unfortunately it's also been one month since the Sichuan earthquake. Quite the day at work I remember - feeling my first earthquake and falling mysteriously ill that prolonged many weeks later. Aside from the bumpy start I'm quite happy I haven't seriously fucked anything up or landed myself in hot water with the friendly Public Security Bureau. There were some teething issues with our workflow but that was expected. Question is will everybody learn from their mistakes?

My explorer spirit has died down recently, and with that I've begun to notice quips and aspects of Beijing life that's beginning to annoy me. First of all, what's with the fucking incessant car horns people?? Every taxi driver I've taken seems to blast the horn like it's a toy. And when will these fuckstick drivers learn that horns won't make the traffic jam go away!
Secondly, for a city that's going to pride itself as an Olympic host, upcoming global superpower and what not, the level of service in general is just appalling. I know China is still classified as a third world country but Beijing is surely a first world city. I'm not trying to be a snob but first world cities demand a level of service and etiquette that reflects its wealth and status.
Other than these two main items, plus hundreds of smaller things, I'm still looking what this city can offer and how I can take advantage of it. How much can I achieve as a relative foreign journalist with PRC citizenship? We shall see - 54 days till the Olympics and 88 more till I return and ponder resignation.

Chengde: a city of too many prayers and temples

2008-06-09T20:46:00.004+08:00

Chengde is an amalgamation of Chinese tribes: Han Chinese, Mongolian, Manchurian, Tibetan and other minor tribes. The most noticeably different would be Manchurians, whose skin is more pale and apparently the women are more tempermental!
Anyway, as the title suggests, Chengde's many tourist attractions are its temples of different Buddhist sects. The Qianlong emperor of the Ming dynasty constructed a mountain resort here, fenced off by its own little great wall and filled with pristine lakes and villa style homes. He also built many temples in Chengde to appease the different Buddhist tribes and ease integration (after subjugation one would assume). An old saying goes: "a Buddhist temple equals 50,000 troops".

Go here for more pics.

New media player up and running

2008-06-01T17:58:00.002+08:00

SCMP's new Brightcove media player is now up live.

And to give you a taste of it, here's my most recent vidcast about the Paralympic's volunteer guide. Jist of the story is that some of the language used to describe certain disabled groups were deemed inappropriate because of their sheer generalisation. See for yourself.

It's a good thing

2008-05-29T01:01:00.003+08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me but I've had a blocked nose ever since I got to Beijing. I'm practically using up a box of Kleenex every day! A TCM practitioner reckons its the dry weather that's clogging up my nostrils. In that case I better buy shares in Kleenex or Tempo because I'm gonna leave a shit load of tissue paper behind me till September...

About the TCM practitioner though, I've been taking these courses in Chinese medicine at a rather delightful establishment called 'The Hutong'. The course includes a qi gong exercise regime known as 'the Eight Treasures', diet and sleeping tips.

So far I've been waking up 15 minutes earlier than usual to do the Eight Treasures exercise (which is a lot to me!), but knowing me, I wonder how long I'll maintain the daily practice. Like many things I've taken on in the past, whether it's meditation, exercise, brewing Chinese tea or reading a book, I've always left things unfinished. But for some reason I've taken quite a shine on these Eight Treasures perhaps because my energy level has improved and my afternoon dips aren't as strong any more. Though the caffeine helps! But nevertheless I do think I'm onto something here and will try my best to follow through... until I sense concrete results.

Our last class next week deals with how emotions affect our body. That'll be er, interesting... Speaking of which, I've been feeling rather numb lately: Playing cat & mouse with security personnel in this country is dangerous and yet exhilerating. Observing people living their lives in this big city with scrutiny and at times disdain. The massive wealth gap and degrees of globalisation is both overwhelming and saddening. Sometimes I blurt out 'fucking peasant' indirectly to someone I see behaving uncivilised. Bloody hell, this is a metropolis with 15 million people so at least be a little more mindful!! But I guess this cold and calculating mindset is a good thing. My initial reason for taking on this endeavour to Beijing was to get away from myself and forget a cruel twist of fate that has wounded me two times too many. Now when I listen to my favourite song Stand Inside Your Love, I feel nothing. I still like the guitar riff and all... but it no longer has that spell of melancholy over me that would leave me staring at the ceiling for hours on end.

Yeah, it's a good thing.

Bird's Nest open for business

2008-05-22T22:58:00.002+08:00

Another bleedin' 13 hour shift. Still, not bad for someone who had fake press credentials HAHAHAHA!!! A test event huh? Well they definitely got an 'F' for security.

Oh, and say hi to the Brightcove player below. My Olympic videos will be beamed through this beauty and will be upgrading our main site on June 1st. About fucking time.

Earthquake related stories

2008-05-20T22:03:00.003+08:00

Quite a tough week this is becoming to be. Other than a lack of quality sleep (no surprises there), the long hours I've been putting in to hammer out these 'next-day' videos is taking its toll. I always end up making careless mistakes, like typos, and it's really embarrassing considering I spent all that time editing the video etc. But the good feedback is worth it... I guess. Just have to really make good use of my weekends...

The video above is on China's 3-day national mourning period. It began on the 19th at 2:28pm, the time when the quake struck Sichuan a week before. I literally got to the heart of Tiananmen Square a few minutes before the 3-minute silence began. My stamina really sucked as I ran there from the subway... don't know if it was whether the gear I was carrying or more shitty shoes, or even the bad air? I've had an annoying cough all week.

Many people were shouting pro-China slogans like "Long live China". I don't really understand how that ties into mourning the dead! Some of the interviewees talked about China being great, proud to be Chinese, and all that, but I just don't see how national pride fits into it all. Some folks were really getting into the fervent nationalistic chanting. So much so the police urged calm and didn't let any more people into Tiananmen - which is supposed to be a public space. Hah, usually when I ask these questions I say to myself: "Uh, where am I?"

Today's video was a little less straight forward. BOCOG in its infinite wisdom launched this media event that had little Olympic significance. Still, the scenes were ample stuff for the media - volunteers counting donation money, relief workers giving vox pops and soldiers loading aid onto trains. Yet they had no English press releases, guests were late, press conference rooms were hastily assembled, shit sound systems, and just all-round piss poor communication. But I guess they have time to brush up when the real deal happens in what, 79 days? Also, I feel sympathetic to Chinese reporters as they constantly have to wait for interpreters to finish before they get their answers. Don't worry guys, once the Olympic jive is over you'll return to your everyday inane news/propaganda reporting.

What the hell is 'positive' reporting?

2008-05-16T11:36:00.006+08:00

The sheer audacity of a CCTV-9 news anchor to highlight the differences between Chinese and Western media reporting... first of all, no matter what cultural differences, that breaks the rule of objectivity.

While talking with a guest, she went out and said Western media usually focus on the gloom and devastation of natural disasters, while the Chinese highlights more of the positive side. Judging from her tone it's obvious whose side she was on. POSITIVE SIDE? What the hell is that? Is there a positive side in covering natural disasters? And besides CCTV-9 keeps showing pictures of disaster hit areas, people crying, and in between breaks they always show this rather emotional slideshow that's designed to tug on people's heartstrings. Is that positive??

But thankfully her guest, an experienced gentleman from some international organisation toned down the rhetoric by admitting both Chinese and Western media have their own ways, and none can be defined as superior or inferior. It's four days after the earthquake and most stories are focusing on mass scale donation efforts - that's not POSITIVE reporting, they're just colour stories to complement. That's probably why the anchor is boasting because of the pride and sympathy these images stoke. But the reason why the Sichuanese need so much aid is because of a lack of resources (and shoddy buildings apparently).

And don't fucking tell me the West doesn't do that... ask Americans how many teary-eyed stories have they seen/heard/read about relief efforts, courage and bravery during and after 9/11. There's your 'positive'.

I remember when the media kept playing pictures of the World Trade Centres and some viewers started complaining as it became too distressing. But I don't think this'll be the case with this Sicuhan earthquake. There is no iconic footage comparable to the scale of the planes flying into the WTCs, or the towers crumbling down. But I have no doubs that even the POSITIVE CCTV-9 would repeat such images if they had any. Pfft to contrasts between West and East media - it's nothing to do with cultural differences, it's about bringing the best and sensational images to the screen to raise viewership. And all media suffer from this syndrome.

So dreary

2008-05-15T20:12:00.003+08:00

Man, Beijing's weather is so tempermental. Cold and windy on Sunday (hence I've caught the bug), sunny and mild up till Tuesday, thunderstorms yesterday and quite warm today.

I've only done boring BOCOG (Beijing Organising Committee of the Games) pressers this week and I guess since it's the first week here, it'll have to suffice. Next week onwards I hope the somewhat stand-offish reporters here can gradually warm up to me and understand what *exactly* it is I do. I remember the same sentiments in Hong Kong over a year ago - their mode of thinking was that "I'm a print journalist, why do I have to be involved in video/audio?" And they're right to be negative since they don't get paid extra for it or whatever, then again it's very little additional workload anyway. The Chinese are notoriously conservative, and even more so I'd assume on the mainland so I just hope the atmosphere will be better eventually when they see the more interesting & creative videos I can do... as opposed to pressers with mundane bureaucrats, otherwise known as "Getting to Know" events.

Other than that, I guess I'm surviving along in Beijing. Though the cons outweight the pros, this is pretty much expected. I'm not a big fan of China anyway (that is, the cities and culture) and the fact that my putonghua is very limited as I'm Cantonese, the language barrier is particularly annoying and at times embarrassing. But I'm doing it for the experience. Even if I return back on a sour note, broke and demoralised, I can always say I was reporting on the Olympics and if it doesn't kill me it can only make me stronger. If I've successfully made it through the world's largest media event in one of the world's unfreest societies, I'd give a pat on my back.

Ah, but it was soooo good to see G again after a year, and in Beijing of all places! She had a brief stopover here and I took advantage of her 50% airline discount during dinner! It was also really good just to see a familiar face, and certainly who's better than hers.

Argh, I just wish I wasn't the only one here. I need some backup!

Didn't even realise it was an earthquake...

2008-05-13T00:27:00.003+08:00

I knew I felt something was out of place: I was quietly sipping noodles on the lunch break of my first official day at work in Beijing when I suddenly lost my balance (while sitting down). It was very brief, so I just brushed it off. Probably due to lack of sleep.
When I got back a friend called me from Hong Kong and when I answered she immediately asked if I was okay in a rather worried manner. At first I was bewildered considering I had just gulped down a substandard pork chop rice, then she told me about the big earthquake. And it hit me! I had felt my first earthquake! It was 7.8 in Sichuan and the quake rippled to Beijing at 3.8ish.
On a more sombre note the death toll has risen past 8,000 according to Xinhua. Even if they're known to dumb down the news, 8,000 is still a pretty high toll.
Earthquake and falling ill on my first day... bad omen perhaps?

A new home fit for an untidy king

2008-05-11T22:38:00.002+08:00

Finally bought all my shit for the new place and just in time too as I officially start work as a pseudo-journalist in Beijing. Going to a BOCOG (Beijing Organising Committee for the Games) press conference already on Tuesday. Our Olympics news editor said it should be a right laugh but I guess I'll see...

My landlord is a wonderful lady and she kept dropping by today with more household goods like this cool mobile laundry rack and old-school coasters.

test

2008-05-06T22:57:00.001+08:00

test.

If you're reading this then the test succeeded. Yet, my blog won't load up on my browser. Hmm.

Possibly my last post till September!

2008-05-05T02:56:00.008+08:00

I just barely managed to pack in the 20-kilo limit and *hopefully* I've got everything I need to survive for 4 months in Beijing. The excitement hasn't sunk in yet, I guess I'll feel a bit more of it when I touch down on Tuesday. I'm still apprehensive about the language barrier. I do appear as a Chinese person after all, so the locals may seem taken aback when I speak in broken mandarin or even English. My colleagues waiting for me in BJ may even feel a bit disappointed they'll have to help me translate!

I remember months ago when I yearned so much to get away from here. But that was for a different reason and now it seems so long ago. Of course thinking about it now makes me realise how foolish I was but I'm glad I was able to put down those feelings before it engulfed me as it had before. I guess I've lost that enthusiasm to 'get up and go' but nevertheless I'm still looking forward to work in a foreign environment and meeting new folks.

I may be a bit paranoid but this may be my last post before I return to HK. Bloggers have to register in China right? Anyway, I just want to comment on the recent commotion surrounding the Hong Kong-leg of the torch relay and get it off my chest.

First of all, it was a nightmare filming the event. I was stationed in Tsim Sha Tsui while my two other colleagues were in Shatin and Wan Chai/Central. I kept running into roadblocks and had no idea how to get across the road where the pro-Tibetan activists where. I had met Christina Chan a few days before the event to gauge her sentiments on the issue. She claims she supports 'self-autonomy' for Tibet while not advocating 'freeing' Tibet. Fair enough, but then why did she have a sticker on her shirt saying 'Free Tibet, free China?' I think she really fudged her message. Some comrades who were with her at the relay were fekkiw students she had just met a few days before at HKU. At first they weren't too sure about Christina's message but I guess in the end they got suckered in (yes, they were foreign students). Ah, I remember once being such an impressionable student, full of ideals and sympathy for so-called 'opressed' peoples. I still do care, but I'm not willing to fight for a cause unless I know 100% about the issue. Chrisinta openly admitted she'd never been to Tibet - fair enough, but that did hurt her credibility a bit.

Cudoes to her for waving the flag in front of thousands of pro-China supporters, though. I had no qualms they would've torn her apart had it not for the police. Still, I can't help but feel she was bit of a media hog. This arrogant German news crew practically directed her so they could get the best profile shot while she drew the Tibetan flag and she blissfully went along with it. Nothing wrong with spreading your message with the press and all that but I wonder if Ghandi would be so accomodating and image conscious if he was here today.

The patriotism or nationalism or whatever you want to call it being exhumed from HKers and mainlanders was both annoying and frightening. I encountered teenage HK girls shouting in mandarin yet their enthusiasm surprised me. It was only 10 years ago when HKers adamantly defied the whole 'Chinese' nationality and were quick to differentiate themselves from mainlanders. But when this Beijing Olympics started consuming the public sphere, I notice more and more people are openly embracing the Chinese identity. For one thing I definitely saw more China flags than Hong Kong ones at the relay. Yes, Hong Kongers are Chinese but doesn't that sort of contradict the 'self autonomous region' concept? HK is a sovereign state of China, yes, but if people here culturally accept China as their own, as in being the same with the mainland, then I'm sure those people won't care being dubbed 'mainlanders?' I think many expats here are quite sensitive about civil liberties while locals take it for granted.

The hostile treatment towards protesters was quite an eye-opener too. The June 4th guys were jeered and taunted. Christina was called a traitor and running dog before being loaded onto a police van for her 'safety'. Can't blame them really. Unionist Lee Cheuk-yan didn't receive well either. Mia Farrow was let in with a wagging finger from authorities. Danish artist Jens Galschiot was even denied entry. This does look bad for a so-called free and open society but I don't agree that civil liberties are under attack. There's always some limit to what the government can allow protesters do and Hong Kong has been pretty fair to demonstrations and rallies etc. I mean, compare it to China! Look at all those Falun Gong people marching down Nathan Road sometimes! So look at this way, if you go out and make a noise about something, you're bound to get media attention and that in a way furthers your message, even if you do look like a twat. It shows that at least Hong Kong gives people that opportunity. And what better way to impress your like-minded peers than getting loaded onto a police van?

On the funnier side of things: as I was speeding across the subway I spotted a dozen or so mainlanders wearing very noticeable Spanish hats that were red to go with their outfits. These were caps that printed 'Spain' on the back and the royal emblem on the front. I guess they just randomly bought red hats without noticing the horrible irony behind it. While I took video of them they waved their flags excitedly at me (and damn, I totally forgot to put it in the video, never mind here's the pic below). Man, did I have the last laugh or what...

Below's the hard work we all did for the excruciating day. At least I got decently pissed afterwards.

Hilarious!

2008-04-20T17:23:00.005+08:00

So many Chinese around the mainland are protesting against all things French. They've besieged Carrefour stores and this fucking hilarious picture of a French flag was taken above by Reuters that's been published in Sunday Post.

"Joan of Arc = Prostitute" "Napoleon = Pervert" "France = Nazi" "Free Corsica"

Hmm, maybe the French should hit back with their own: "Mulan = Skanky Hoe" "Mao Zedong = Paedophile" "China = Democrat(!)" "Free Hong Kong"

When is this juvenile behaviour going to end people? It's just the bleedin' Olympics! And you're all right it shouldn't be about politics... it's about drug scandals, raunchy athlete sex and hot figure skaters. Ooooh can't wait to go!

No hopes, no dissapointments... just live

2008-04-17T03:27:00.004+08:00

Wouldn't it be abso-fucking-lutely funny if I couldn't go to Beijing? All the mental preperations and informing people all for nothing. There's still some things to be sorted out from my bosses' end before I'm set to leave. Knowing how bureaucratic our system is, I'm doubt I'll leave on my proposed date of May 2nd.

I'm in this temporal flux right now where I don't give a shit about anything - no hopes, no disappointments, that sort of mode... just dying to whisky myself away to a foreign and hostile environment. I guess there is still a slight bitter taste in my mouth given the shit I had to go through these past 5-6 months. I've moved on but there is still a lingering resentment at myself for being such a love-struck fool. I'm going to make myself immune by purposely being cynical and cold as ice for the time being. I cannot afford to be paralyzed like that again, not when so much is expected of me right now. That's why I can't wait to be in a heightened sense of alertness that I usually get when in unfamiliar environments. That will distract me enough till all those lingering bad feelings fade away into obscurity. Just like it had before.

I do of course want to return to Hong Kong after my Olympic expidition. I see this trip as a way of 'realigning' myself because I've been feeling so out-of-place with myself, my environment, friends and family. It's like I don't belong anywhere. My feet is constantly off the ground, floating aimlessly and without direction in life. I guess my problem is that I have too many aspirations and not enough inspiration. I need to find a cause and fight for something!!

Warlords Conquer HK Film Awards!

2008-04-16T00:44:00.001+08:00

Here she is, the video I gave up my Sunday for...

A-Glow-Glow

2008-04-15T00:46:00.006+08:00

Microwave organised the latest feast for the public's eyes, A-Glow-Glow features two interactive art installations. Volume by UVA and Phaeodaria by Teddy Lo. Both of which I still don't understand.

Loads of people turned up for the opening ceremony last Friday. I doubt if any of the organisers were so disillusioned to think all those media and fans (excluding the obvious ones holding Andy Lau banners) were there to support the art. Indeed, the presence of Andy Lau did do a lot to draw in the crowds and press, but still I kind of felt sorry for Chris (UVA) and Teddy - most of the cameras were pointed to Andy instead, and so were the screams from many horny pubescent girls. At the end of the day, I hope Andy did go some way in promoting innovative media arts to the public. We need more of these internationalised events!

With the help of a colleague I managed to pull Andy away for a quick English soundbyte. It's so funny, check it out yo. By the way, his latest film Three Kingdoms is bollocks. These period films are just too melodramatic and clearly not violent enough for my tastes.

Self-loathing

2008-04-14T23:42:00.005+08:00

Attended my first major award show on Sunday, namely the Hong Kong Film Awards. We were tasked in doing a short video on the celebrities gracing the red carpet and a short blurb on the winners.
I've watched many of these shows on TV, but I must say when you're watching it from the press area the atmosphere is certainly different. Initially I was excited about going to it, but at the end of the dreary day, I just said to myself I would never want to cover events like these again.... unless I'm forced to of course. In which case I'll have no qualms about loathing the assignment again.
I hate entertainment news and all the people involved in that arena. It doesn't slightly hold a drop of journalism and their presence only legitimises the celebrities' chauvinism. Can't help but feel contempt for this airhead TVB showbiz host that we sat next to. Aside from her constant fuck ups, it was the seamless flip from her normal personality to presenter personality that made me chuckle. If you can imagine: once the camera's on she's all happy and high-pitched, and once the take is done her face turns completely upside down. Her jobs seems like such a chore.
I also hated how most of the photographers/TV crews played their PSPs or whatever while they waited for the celebs to show up. Fucking juveniles.

And no need to point out me being a hypocrite, I admit I also held myself in contempt for being there afterwards. But if it's any consolation, I rarely get assigned to these events.

And AAARRRGGGHHHH how could SCMP you use a goddamn Reuters photo for their front page of the Awards????? Some fucking mongoloid should get fired for that, I don't care who it is, this sheer blasphemy must not go unpunished. And hah, this is surely not the only time we've used a wire photo for a major local news event.

This photo is perhaps my best memento even though I have no idea who she is...

Patriotism?

2008-04-08T16:34:00.004+08:00

There's been a lot of anti-China sentiment recently. Conversely, it's instigated a sort of anti-West (plus BBC, CNN etc.) sentiment too. On the topic of the Olympics and the mini protests that came with it, many local Chinese I've talked with or listened to frequently express their disgust at Western media reporting as well as contempt for the American and European governments. I got a big earful of this from my father's cousin during a family outing. Though I wasn't discussing it with him directly, I couldn't help but feel his thoughts had been overpowered by his sense of nationalism. At first I was scoffed at his attitude, even more so perhaps because he was a Hongkonger... yes, I still like to maintain the difference between Hongkonger and mainlander. Eventually I decided not to offer any rebuttal since it was a family day out. The Chinese certainly have a right to feel proud of the mainland hosting the Games.

Many people I encountered make it seem as if the West and the media is deliberately out to cause trouble and claim China's bad press is fabricated. So I was pleased to hear when a guest on CCTV's Dialouge proclaimed that 'China is not a perfect country'. Others should learn to be humble and acknowledge the problems of one's country, whether it's hosting the Olympics or not. But the air of egoism is so thick right now I can cut it with a knife. Some other cynics I've talked to say the Tibetan riots were overblown by those in the West who want to instigate unrest and give China a bad image. Not entirely an unplausible idea mind you.
On the other side, many so-called pro-Tibetans or anti-China forces say the mainland is crushing human rights and censoring the truth. Again, not unplausible either. Fact of the matter is, and from what I've learned over the years in the media, news events like these can never be reported or revealed in its truest form. Many factors determine this such as censorship and self-censorship, laziness, bias, apathy, deadlines, editorial principles, political motives and money. I'm not condoning the old saying: 'don't believe what they say on the news', but certainly don't let it cloud your judgement.

That's why I never form my own opinions on these big issues anymore. When people ask me about global issues I always abstain. But I always make it clear why I don't have a definitive opinion by levelling both sides of the argument. This thinking is mostly why I've turned down or stayed away from standard reporting jobs. I feel the best way to tell an honest story is to do in-depth feature-length programmes. This is my lofty goal. Now all I've got to do is find good socially aware stories!

Chek Geng revisited...

2008-04-05T14:45:00.005+08:00

It's been a while since I've written about our little inconspicous Hakka village, but there's been new impetus what with ideas to revitalise the place.

Notions are floating around with the possibility to invest and restore some of the houses and turn the place into a teeny tourist hub. It's also close to the popular Tai Long Wan beach.
This time around we visited the village with my dad, grandmother, relatives, friends and a fellow journalist. It's my third visit so far but this time was entirely different because as I walked past the mangroves, derelict houses and what not, I kept imaging what this place would be like if indeed it was revitalised. And how nice it would be to escape here from the drudgeries of urban life.

After a few meetings with a well-known interior designer, it's now up to my folks back home to coerce other relatives into the idea, since they also own some of the properties. Without their permission or support we can't really do much. My grandmother kept regaling us with tales about sitting outside facing the beach for dinner, farming and the kids playing. I think she does yearn to see this village alive again, so hopefully something significant can be achieved while she's still around.

Hmm, I wonder if I can reserve a spot to build an Irish pub? I'll give it a nice Chinese-Irish name... "O'Lee's" perhaps? Hehe.

2008-04-02T02:44:00.004+08:00

Hmpf. I knew fate would be so cruel to try and inflict me with the same wound again. The events and emotions that unfurled with her over these past months ran almost parallel as it had with 'X'. It was an ordeal I promised myself to never suffer from again. Obviously I failed.

Because what she told me today confirmed another relapse of 'X'. No need to say what it is but what's important is that it's something eerily similar to what had happened before with 'X'. And that's what's pissing me off so much today. I'm already withdrawing myself from these feelings and yet I had to be hit with this.

I'm not mad at anyone in particular, I'm just mad that it's seemingly happening all over again and out of my control. I've seem to have either stumbled upon a really fucked up series of coincidences these past months, or perhaps it's just plain cruel fate. Why has it been so much pain with the only two I've ever loved? And why can't I shut it off when there's no hope?? During these times my heart felt like it weighed a tonne, and it did genuinely hurt sometimes when I thought of them, be it when I stare out of the bus window or staring up at my ceiling on a regular sleepless night.

It's just so fucking ironic that it's come full turn after all that time. At first I knew this was turning into another 'X' type scenario. Now it really is. Just imagine the worst episode of your life doing a re-run, only with a different character. Naturally one would ask themselves: "WHY WHY WHY did it have to happen again to me?" That's what I'm going through. I mean, forget her, this is something really tragic. It's more than unlucky, it's plain fucking pathetic too. Yet, at least these past 5 months wasn't as bad as those 3 years before. I mean, jeez, I was in pieces before I came to Hong Kong. Not to mention my subsequent health problem.

Look at it this way, it cannot get any worse from now on. It's the end of this scenario, this cruel fated trick... ending up as another bad memory. Unrequited love is not courageous or romantic, it's fucking wrong and should be banned.

Anyway, fucking hell, I don't deserve this. Need to get so pissed drunk this weekend...

Born again!... partly

2008-03-29T23:51:00.006+08:00

When my doctor told me I could start drinking alcohol again (no spirits yet!), I was excited yet intimidated at the same time. It's been a solid 6 months since I've had a drink, and three years of on-and-off drinking. The ability to get pissed again was outweighed by worries of my 'capacity' to get pissed haha. Anywho, what better way to ring in the good news than on St. Patrick's Day? That's my long lost cousin to the right, also from Dublin.

Ah... finally I can stop ordering soft drinks or whatever when I'm out... not that I care what others think but it's good again to have that freedom to choose. I'm still off certain food types, however. I was treated to a lovely outdoor lunch in Pak Sha O Village in Sai Kung but I had to turn away the mango, prawn cocktail salad...

It also has psychological benefits. That love interest is fading to its last drops and my eventual trip to Beijing in May will be the proverbial nail in the coffin. Although some new events have manifested itself recently, I won't advantage of it or retain hope... I really just give up. She's the last straw. I'm sick of love. I'm more sick of myself, really.

At first I was quite apprehensive about going to BJ in May, partly because of my medicinal prioritiy here in HK and the fact that I have to er, sort myself out in terms of living expenses...

But I knew a change in surrounding and being away from here will do me a lot of good. That's why I'm willing to swallow the rent... I know it's wrong to think this way, that's why I thought I was going for all the wrong reasons because I really don't give a shit about Olympic sports and don't fancy BJ too much anyway. But when I told other people/journos that I'm heading up there they were quite happy for me and some jealous!

I've reconciled that this is a good move irregardless. I have no idea what to expect in this foreign environment for 4 months - even my flat arrangements so far are dodgy - but at least it'll keep me on my toes, which is all I can ask for really. Getting a tad too comfortable and reptitive here in HK.

A nice trend

2008-03-20T13:19:00.007+08:00

In this year so far, 2 publishers have requested to use two of my photos for their books:

Picture of Tuen Mun landfill for "Discovering Biology 6" of Time Publishing (Hong Kong), an educational book for secondary students.

Picture from Sai Kung pier for "Live & Work in China" of Crimson Business. It's for the Sai Kung section of their book for expatriates.

Sure, I don't get any money for it but it's great to know people, especially publishers, have taken a liking to my photos. Ironically, I wasn't try to be particularly artistic when I took these two photos. The landfill one was from my shitty camera phone while the Sai Kung one was just really random - didn't even notice the cloud effect till afterwards.
I find that my creative works have excelled in Hong Kong, much more so than in Ireland. Be it photography, writing or filmmaking. I guess I never really 'tried' back home. Which really makes me wonder...

Long lost cousin and childhood friend

2008-03-16T18:03:00.003+08:00

How's this for catching up?:

A cousin, Rosanna, who I grew up and practically treated as a sister, but drifted apart for at least 8 years due to pesky family squabbles.

And a childhood friend/classmate, Garry, I used to play with around my neighbourhood, but lost contact for at least 14 years.

And now they're both dating and here on holiday in Hong Kong! And their hotel is across the road from me! This weekend being the first time we've got drunk together (twice), and still not even St. Patrick's Day yet... ugh. Still, it's good that we can share a taxi home!

More openings at Asia Television Ltd.

2008-03-13T21:50:00.006+08:00

Don't know how, but I've become my ex-company's unofficial recruiter! Not the first time I've posted this...

There's an opening for an entry-level reporter at the English News department:

Candidates should have a strong international and local news sense. They will be required to voice on-air stories so they must be fluent in English.

Experience would be an advantage but it is not essential as on-the-job training will be given. There may be some anchoring opportunities for the right candidates.

Anyone interested should email: englishnews@atv.com.hk

Suitable candidates will be invited for writing and voice-over tests.

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Also, another opening for a part-time proof-reader/subtitler/editoral assistant: (never had a proper title).

He/she must have strong English reading & writing skills (British English) and will proof-read all reporters' scripts before they are converted to subtitles on air.

Other duties include transcribing a weekly 30-minute talk show, Newsline, and adding subtitles to it.

Successful candidates will be earmarked for promotion to reporter. Great way to get your foot into the broadcasting industry.

Pay is $8,000, Monday to Friday, 3pm-8pm. Email to same address above.

ATV has recently relocated to Tai Po Industrial Estate. Much cooler office than when I was at Kowloon Tong!

On a personal note, all the staff at English News are a great bunch of people. Couldn't ask for a better team to work with. I miss you guys!

2008-03-12T22:53:00.007+08:00

From left to right: Me (Feck!), Will (Drink!), James (Arse!), Michelle (Woman!)

Well, unfortunately we had the mishap of incompleting the race because we were just too slow. Actually we did cross the finish line but our time was not registered. Our dearest captain Michelle was injured and suffering from cramps just over half-way into it so we were reduced to almost a snail's pace. My heart did drown when we were deemed 'incomplete', but no blame was placed on Michelle who felt a bit embarrassed. We finished as a team, and that's that. You're only as quick as the slowest person, so they say. But nevertheless I enjoyed running the gauntlet and 2 months of measly training put to the test. My legs are surprisingly okay! Right leg's still a bit stiff.

The article is by my friend Cassandra for Daily 10, a children's newspaper. Unfortunately she couldn't print our team name, hehe. What if kids start asking what 'Feck' and 'Arse' means??

Now I want to find a new physical sport/hobby. I enjoyed running and jumping across the rocky and jagged trails immensely, so maybe something in that area.

More pics

2008-03-08T01:29:00.004+08:00

OK! So the big-wigs are up for the idea of sending me to Beijing... *if* I can manage to find a place to stay... irregardless if it's free or paid by myself. So now I'm digging up any contacts, friends and family who may help me out. Guess I'll just sit down and scrounge through some websites to find some cheap accomodation.

I'll still have to leave in late April/early May and be there for at least 4 months. When I first heard this I admit I was a little apprehensive. That is a long time... and in Beijing of all places! But I'm ready to face this task. My sentiment was boosted today after those resurgent thoughts of wanting to get away from here for a while.

Flinging myself to anywhere for a couple of months seems really good right now. Not too long though, I think I might miss the convenient luxuries of HK! Yet, I want to go up there for all the wrong reasons... to be honest it's really because I want to detox myself from HK and from all the people I know. Not because I have a problem with any of them but leaving this environment for a while would help clear my mind. I've wanted to get away for so long... going back to Ireland last Christmas wasn't really a break after all. Going/Working in a foreign environment and relying on yourself to get by in an unfamiliar atmosphere would be a good distraction.

Oh, and covering the Olympics would obviously beef up my CV.

Olympics hopes dashed

2008-03-06T00:11:00.000+08:00

Today my fears of not being able to cover the Beijing Olympics have finally been realised. Stingy bastards aren't willing to put up for the accomodation costs. Tomorrow I'll propose the idea of paying for my own costs... it's such an opportunity not to be missed.

What's even more ironic today is that the press registration for the Equestrian event has passed (a month ago!). My editor naively thinks we can still use a camcorder and make something viable out of it without accredation. Not to mention the fact that all the broadcast rights have been siphoned by the TV stations.

Fuck the Equestrian anyway, if my proposal doesn't float and there's no chance in hell I'm getting posted to Beijing, it's time to change company... I mean, going to the olympics was the one highlight for me here. Staying henceforth has oficially become pointless.

2008-03-05T00:03:00.005+08:00

This song sends a shiver up my spine...

I noticed the song after I watched Closer - and what a depressing film that was.

For me it stokes fear of rejection and love forlon. I've heard stories of individuals unable to get over their ex-partners for years and dwindling into an 'emotional coma' - a term I had mentioned before. My first realisation of this was of my cousin Edmund, who was dumped by his first girlfriend when he was a teenager and subsequently spiralled into depression and isolation. He's about 27 now and still does retain some of those characteristics. Perhaps that's just his personality now but when I saw him again last Christmas it reminded me of his sad story. No-one can confirm if he's still grieving over that ordeal all those years ago.

Perhaps I can take comfort that so far I have been spared from the aftermath of any significant long-term relationship. Seeing how Edmund suffered during all those years had made me cautious. To be in a state like that is so fearful to say the least. And listening to this song (and video) reminds me of the cruel flip side of love. Sure, I know some people can get over their ex's quick and hop from partner to partner with ease. But I'm patient and constantly keep my guard up. Ironically, the two people so far in my life who've I let my guard down for... were unrequited affairs. Not from rejection, but I guess quite simply loving the wrong person at the wrong time.

For this current girl I'm slowly closing up again as it were, beckoned by the lessons learned from the first. As much as I thought of severing the friendship thus ending all hope, I think that's the coward's way out. And I know it's cruel to say such things... especially when I'm confronted by such a beautiful soul who did nothing wrong except to be the wonderful person that she is. This attachment blossomed so quickly and freely, and that's why it's so hard to get over it - it's like the harder you get hit the bigger the damage. And because I'm so ashamed and self-hating for being like this, I want to defy these feelings for her and stop being such a hostage to myself. Fuck, I've got so many things I want to do and places to go, I don't need this shit.

Performed by my compatriot Damien Rice.

"Worm food for thought"

2008-03-01T02:17:00.003+08:00

This episode concerns the use of earthworms to recycle organic waste into fertiliser, a process known as vermiculture. Is this ingenius or what? Sunburst Biotechnologies takes in over 90,000 tonnes of waste a year and produces 45,000 tonnes of certified high-grade fertiliser known as vermicast... which is basically worm excreta (poo!), and according to David Ellery fruits and veggies grown using vermicast is much more juicier!
90,000 tonnes is a lot alright, but that equals just over a week of waste Hong Kong produces.

"Flipping the big green switch"

2008-03-01T02:11:00.003+08:00

Here's the second episode of my environment series... an interview with Catherine Touzard, co-author of Going Green in Hong Kong - the first English guide to all things good & green for the city.
The location's at Discovery Bay, a place known for its cleaniless and sterile facade. Unbeknown to me, Catherine took me for a short walk to a beach that's practically awash with rubbish. On the way we even passed by a quaint organic farm.
Unfortunately Catherine did have a LOT to say on the topics I raised, but such is the fickleness of video editing I had to cut almost 90% of it.
Well, here's what's left of it.

"Journey of our waste"

2008-02-27T00:54:00.003+08:00

Well, after 3 months of shooting I finally managed to get my head together and crank out the first episode of my environment series.

I know I could've given it a bit more VO but the idea was a detached observation of waste disposal, and the immense logistics required to keep our rubbish neatly tucked away from view. I'm not preaching, just letting people know where our rubbish ends up... and if you see all those mountains in the landfills covered with green sheets, they're made up of rubbish. That's right. 20 years ago that area was just flat land.

"An Emotional Coma"

2008-02-25T00:20:00.004+08:00

While cleaning up my DVDs cabinet, I stumbled upon a film I bought awhile ago called Paris, Je T'aime - a collection of short films about love in Paris - and I do use that term loosely as it's not just about 'boy meets girl' kind of stories. One of the shorts titled Bastille, and because it was subtitled, part of the dialogue goes "when she died in my arms, he fell into an emotional coma and never recovered." And as I thought about the phrase 'emotional coma', I think I finally found the term to describe myself for those 3 years with 'G'. It's kind of odd and satisfying that I'm able to label it now after all this time.

Loosely defined: the emotional coma is a condition caused by experiencing too many emotions, so the sufferer has to shut down all emotions in order to regroup and be able to once again function at a normal level...

Back then I was so overwhelmed that I was in a constant state of shock. No amount of time spent with friends and family or activities was able to really put my feet back on the ground firmly. Sometimes I wish I never met her. She really put a spell on me. I promised myself to never feel that way again. At least I could say now that I woke up from that coma, ironically replaced by a more physical (at times psychological, too) medical condition. So I ask, how can I let myself fall into another self-induced coma again? I feel as if it's a test: has she fallen upon me so I can rectify the mistakes I made with 'G'? Or can fate be so cruel to let inflict me once again with the same wounds?

Unfortunately, it's not just about her - lately I've been asking myself a lot of questions about career, finance and life in general. For it to resolve I need to settle these perequisite questions:
1) I've made a life here in Hong Kong but do I really want to settle here? After all, I never intended to if it wasn't for my medical condition. Yes I'll miss the friends and contacts I've made here but still... nothing here's really worth tying me down, all assets I own can be sold off. If a great job opportunity came my way and I had to move overseas I would gladly take it.

2) What field do I want to work in? Is the media industry really fit for me even though I abhor commercialism and the fickleness of news reporting? I always say I want to be involved in documentaries but in what way exactly?? And besides, one can hardly make much money in that industry unless you're really talented... something I do not doubt on my part.

I fear the more time I spend idling, the bigger chance I'll fall into this so-called emotional coma again. In fact, who's to say I'm not already in it? I have no enthusiasm anymore and every night I struggle to sleep... the problem compounded by the fact that I for no reason wake up half-way and cannot sleep fully afterwards. It's been like this for almost 2 months and it's starting to take a toll...

I wouldn't dare use the 'D' word, though... i.e. depression. That's when you're locked in a room with no light. In this case I've got a window. Just need to get up off my lazy arse and climb through it. Yet, I'm ashamed of being like this, and letting people know me like this lately. Not that I'm afraid to show weakness, but because no matter how much they offer to help or try to reconcile, in the end I'm the only that can help me. And the very person who might also help, can never know. At least for now.

Public apology or acknowledgement?

2008-02-21T22:36:00.005+08:00

As much as I feel detached and fiercely disinterested from this so-called sex photo scandal, ironically I had to begrudgingly host a quiz show based on the topic, and today I even got an early call from my editor to get my butt to Edison Chen's press conference at Kowloon Bay.

As the taxi swerved into the HITEC every Tom, Dick and Harry reporter were already staked outside to catch a few shots of Edison's soon-to-be exiting vehicle, while the rest were already fortified in the press con froom.

I was in the front row and when I spotted him coming out, I immediately identified his swagger and cockiness. The man barely showed any emotion. I mean, he could've at least memorised his damn speech...

I admit I was a little surprised when Edison said he'll be quitting Hong Kong showbiz. Then again when I think of all the films I've seen in him... meh. I'm sure Albert Yeung is already grooming (or rather cloning) another overseas-Chinese hunk wannabe for the masses.

Rumours have it that someone shady has priced one of Edison's hand for HK$500,000, hence the presence of the Emergency Response Unit.

I seriously laughed when I heard he wanted to do some 'charity' work. That's why I told them not to use the audio from my camera... not to mention the constant fucks coming out of me because some twat photographer kept clipping me. Does he want to wash off the guilt? Improve his image? Absolute bollocks. Bet he's already counting down till his comeback.

Here's what I think he should've apologised for:
I'm sorry for being a dumbass and leaving those pictures on my laptop.

And he might as well have apologised on others' behalf:
I'm sorry that all those girls I bedded were idiots for letting me taking pictures of them.
I'm sorry for all those cheap, pathetic tabloids making money off my pictures.
I'm sorry for all those celebrity-obsessed pervy fuckers for spreading the pictures.
I'm sorry for all those starry-eyed naive teens who would take me as a role model.
I'm sorry for all those pompous academics because nobody needs to give a shit what they say.
I'm sorry for the police being mongoloids.
I'm sorry to call Hong Kong an international city.

Tell ya one thing though, thanks Edison for not doing your presser on the weekend...

Crap crap crap crap...

2008-02-19T22:55:00.003+08:00

With less than 3 weeks to go till the big race, and just 2 months of measly training I managed to bust my hamstring last week, and it's only starting to get better now!

I am seriously shitting myself! I haven't even had a swim in almost four years. But am gonna give 'em hell that's for sure.

Details on the race

Happy CNY and all that...

2008-02-08T02:36:00.000+08:00

I'm just glad all those big family dinners are over... I avoided the shopping and carnival areas like the plague. Yes, I'm still weary of big heaving crowds... Now my mom's making me wake up at 5am to visit the temples and appease the gods... aiya

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Been playing guitar a lot lately, as I've taken it up again after a 3-year hiatus. And I'm glad to say that I can now strum some of my old favourites again: Stand Inside Your Love, Bullet with Butterfly Wings, 1979, Mayonaise, Zero, Disarm, Tonight Tonight and a new song I learned today, Galapogos and the Lord of War theme. I don't intend to join a band or write my own songs, I just find it very satisfying to play and sing my favourite songs.

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I think I'm starting to miss home, not just friends and family, but the idyllic quiet suburban surroundings and the quaint pub atmosphere. More importantly the open sky! Perhaps the chilly weather reminds me of dreary 'aul Dublin? Or maybe I'm getting weary of uber-metropolitan life - there's always something to do and everywhere's within distance, so you really have no excuse not to go out all the time! After all, I was never mentally prepared when I first moved here. Seemed I just flung myself into the throes of Hong Kong life and never really settled on my feet yet. It's just been just over 2 years but man there's been enough ups-and-downs to make it feel like a second life already.

I've been pondering whether I'll stay in Hong Kong in the near future. There's been many instances where that issue has come up in conversation, and every time I end up with conflicting resolutions. Looking at it right now, if I just got up and left, there wouldn't be anything to tie me down here. Sure I'll miss my new-found friends, but that's what keep in touch is for right? And this job? I don't want to sound disloyal, but recently I've been spiralling into a severe case of inertia and apathy, and I've begun dreading going to work. And yes it's partly interconnected with a recent unrequited secret love-interest. The process in getting over it while maintaining that friendly composure is what's bringing me down lately. I really have only myself to blame, to let those feelings sink deeper than they should have and ignoring all those warning signs. I'm still debating whether I want the 'final nail in the coffin' treatment or just give it some time to pass. I'm not trying to be cold and calculating with all this, but these things can be quite overpowering sometimes... and when I think of 'G', I regretted not being able to keep it in check, and I was too afraid of what'll happen if I spilled the beans (of which I did recently, of course now it's irrelevant). Maintaining that close friendship was what mattered and I have to admit it was so tough and distressing for those 3 years. So that's why it's so important to not let that happen again, it's just not worth it. Sure, 'go out and meet new people' and all that jive... it's not that I don't (but not too much lately), but what I'm going through is not some juvenile superficial crush that can simply be replaced... Like 'G', I believe it's those rare people you meet in life that seems pre-ordained, or to sound more corny - like finding a soulmate, and one that's worth loving too. The stages of getting to know one another was blissful and enchanting. But like 'G' again, there never was that romantic spark, of course the boyfriend was one obstacle. But even so, I respect their relationship. And even though this girl has issues with hers, I sincerely do hope she can settle for the right one after a rather convoluted love life. Am I self-abasing? Perhaps it's my subconcious way of getting over it.

As for work, I shall soldier on till at least whether I can get to go to the Beijing Olympics. It'll look damn good on my CV don't you think? The ideal job I would love right now is to get hired onto a film/documentary crew and work in some godforsaken faraway place... and get paid!

So happy new year to all of you, and don't rely too much on joss sticks and prayers... because shit happens anyway.

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Is taking cocaine OK when they'll say they won't become an addict? Seems self-defeating doesn't it? Seeing a close friend spiral in that direction is heartbreaking. Her anti-depressants mask her true nature and it's really hard to see what she's really like. It's only recently I discovered she harbours a self-destructive personality which stems from emotions like I had suffered, only she had them a lot longer. I can't blame her for this vicious cycle she's in - I know if I hadn't stayed off the alcohol for the past 2 years I'd be getting pissed all the time like a true Irishman (pardon the generalisation!). But hard drugs? Nah, I've witnessed too many horror stories to rub my nose in that shit.

She's off to warmer pastures for the time being, and had promised to look after herself. Of course, she'd have no qualms to tell us to fuck off and do whatever she likes - to her maybe we're too square or narrow-minded on drugs. Or maybe it's the pressure of living too close to Central and surrounded by all those expat twats who have nothing better to do than show off their wealth and drug connections.

Emma, 'for every chemical, you lose a piece of your soul'. You don't need that shit.

2008-02-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

Sham-Shui-Po boy of Hong Kong Blogs Review describes my li'l online world as this:

This blogger is not afraid to speak his mind and he has a lot of fire in his belly, whether it's on HK politics, or controversial public issues. Perhaps, all that comes from his Irish side. As for his Chinese side, or HK Chinese side, he sometimes uses profanity as an all-purpose adjective like some people at the rough part of Sham-Shui-Po Boy's neighbourhood. It's possible that some of his potential readers could get turned off by that. However, he does have some admirable traits that are uniquely Hong-Kong.

Sham-Shui-Po Boy says, this bicultural blogger has some thought-provoking things to say, and he possesses some of the better qualities of his two worlds.

While a agree with the whole profanity use - it is after all a way of life - I'm afraid I've misplaced that fire in my belly. I seem to have hit a state of apathy and self-lingering for the moment. Sorry, SSP dude.

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Since I've rediscovered my love for fitness training, I've been out running as much as I can. But for a long time I haven't had to endure a long run - a 12km route from The Peak to Aberdeen in the nippy cold. My mind was so clear and aloof after that gruelling but rewarding experience. Unfortunately I had only a few hours sleep the night before so I scurried home for a quick nap. For some reason 'G' popped back in my head... and if you haven't read my recent posts, she's a close friend I was madly in love with for 3 years - an unrequited love. For one thing I never confessed it, hoping that it would fizzle out eventually. You can never say how quickly one can fall out of love, but anyway it took me 3 years and a strange skin condition to succesfully distract me.

Fast forward nearly 3 years later today, I can safely say I don't feel that way anymore, but always consider her a good person and friend. Besides I've escaped thousands of miles here to Hong Kong. Yet, if someone asked me in the future if I had any regrets, I would think of what I had went through with 'G'. Not that I regret those feelings, but never divulging how I really felt, even if it was unconditional and just for the sake of saying it - besides she had a boyfriend. For me to have went through those 3 years in such a confused and blurred state was unfortunate to say the least. It came to be because she's the first one to have made me felt that way. Before it was just all casual and play, never wanted anything long-term. I can only count a few happy memories during those 3 years. For the most part, I drank and smoked a lot, and was so wrapped up in self-woe. Near the end of university I managed to pull myself together briefly and passed my exams. No one said getting a certificate was this difficult.

When I think of me - Edwin Lee aged 19-22 - I see someone quite different from who I am now. Don't know how exactly, but I feel I changed after that ordeal. Now I can talk about anything and am constantly goofing and joking around. I am still a tad melancholic though. One thing I missed about Ireland was stargazing. A lot of times I would lie on a beach chair in my garden and just smoke away while staring above. Why? I just found it soothing. Alas that's something I can't do here.

I decided to give 'G' a call since I haven't spoken to her in ages and she didn't go back home for Christmas. After telling her how I've been feeling about this other girl, I managed to sum up the courage to tell her how I felt about her for those 3 years. I was apologetic and aloof about it and careful not to sound too gloomy. After a long four-second pause, I think she reacted calmly so I guess not much damage was done. When we hung up 1.5 hours later, I sat back to see if anything changed. Initially, not much. But I know deep down this issue has finally been resolved and these long, subconcious thoughts have finally dissolved into oblivion. It's subtle relief.

So what's been bugging me for the past 3 months is a case that's becoming eerily familiar. I promised myself to never fall in that trap again like with 'G'. I can't be bogged down like this again... not at a time like this in my life - and my skin condition improving - when I'm now beginning to make up for all that lost time and re-prioritising my goals and objectives... She is someone like 'G', but definitely not a substitute - yet equally wonderful and enchanting in their own ways. And yes, she has a boyfriend too. Perhaps it's because I've been out of the game for so long, or maybe the fact she's unavailible is what I find so appealing, just like with 'G'? I avoided any relationships since coming to HK because I'm still self-concious about my skin condition (and the whole medicinal aspect) and have been unfit since, hence the revival of my fitness training.

I can say she's the first one since 'G' that I've had any strong feelings for. Ironically as well, I want her to be happy with who she's with. But I may be deluding myself at times. Though I keep my composure every time at work or socially, secretly I've been slowly sinking. Work is getting more dreary, can't sleep, nothing's of interest and been out of touch with friends lately. I'm sorry guys. It's also due to my work attitude... it's no secret I don't enjoy doing podcasts. While I long to get out on the field to do some video work, it's not as exciting as it used to be. I feel this is just becoming more like a 'job' rather than a passion to produce creative visual content. I secretly desire to do some dangerous work, like dropping into a warzone or a crisis event. That'll get the creative juices running.

If I've got one advantage, it's the fact that I got dealt a harsh lesson after 'G'. I know what the outcome would be like if it drags on. I hope to find my way again, work hard on my dream to be a successful documentary filmmaker and travel the world.

Are manbags... manly?

2008-01-25T00:43:00.000+08:00

Before I rant, I need to make perfectly clear the difference between a 'messenger' bag and a 'manbag':
Messenger Bags are the ones you strap over chest and hangs over one side of your arse - a natural evolution of the briefcase, and idolised by the iconic Jack Bauer!
Manbags however, hang vocariously over a man's shoulder, and you don't know whether he's just being a gentleman by carrying his girlfriend's handbag or what...

First of all, I abhor social conventions that exist in the mainstream about gender roles. Things like, "oh, a guy should be older and taller than his girlfriend" or all girls are destined to be shoe addicts... Who invented these? And yet, why do both genders continue to stereotype themselves? A female friend was teasing me about getting shot by a girl at an upcoming game of paintball... I was like, "so what? Are you saying I'd lose dignity because I got shot by a member of the opposite sex? Or that I'd be embarrassed because females can't shoot well? Or what?? What are you trying to say???" She was quite taken aback. I had a right mind to introduce her to my ex-army compatriot, Private 3-star Stacey Whelan, one of the best sharpshooters of Charlie Company! God knows where they're all now...

Anyway, without sounding hypocritcal and homophobic, and while I'm sure manbags are a very fashionable statement, I just don't see the attraction of it. Out of curiosity while waiting for some underpaid dope getting me a new pair of shorts, I did try on a manbag and looked at myself in the mirror. Didn't look anything special and I just thought, what the hell will I put in it??

Seriously, I never need to carry any sort of bag when I go out except for work. And even then I carry a backpack... a small and non-threatening airtight and waterproof bag that's designed to carry photographic equipment and a laptop... It even has those cooling cushions on the back to absorb sweat. Perfect! It's not the most haute coutre, but damn it's handy and fits my work life.

I mean, how many items does an ordinary guy need to bring out on a casual day? Phone, cigarettes, keys, wallet, change and maybe a bottle of water... You see, now these 'manbaggers' are just carrying them for the sake of fashion. And that's what eats me... these fashion victims carrying a big feckin' shiny bag on one shoulder with items they could easily fit in their pockets. Do you see the fickleness?!

I'm not saying all men who carry them are gay or necessarily infeminate (I couldn't care less)... it's just unncessary and feeding into a fashion trap! Damn you Joey!!

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On a personal note, I'm doing fine. I think my withdrawal symptoms of my Xmas holidays in Ireland are wearing off now. The drudgery of podcast work is getting less weary.

My resumption of cardio training and weight lifting is going along smoothly and I bought a new acoustic guitar to re-learn all those songs I once knew.

I also think I'm finally able to stop thinking about 'her'.... regularly. Still, when you know someone so enchanting and wonderful like she is, it's hard not to get awashed with emotions.

"Democracy delayed is Democracy denied"

2008-01-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

"Waiting and waiting"... that was the general sentiment of democrats today.

Saw a lot of familiar faces.

Hopefully they can arrange another route next time, getting so sick of the same buildings and streets! Let's rampage through Lan Kwai Fong!!

For more less artistic photos, check them out here

Cheesy acting got me thinking...

2008-01-10T00:33:00.000+08:00

I was flicking back and forth on the 5 channels of my TV so fast it'd give you a seizure. Cantopoppy dramas on the home channels, some sappy business programme and horse-racing coverage on the English channels. Oh, and Bloomberg on the other. Enough said about that.

I was slouched on the sofa and waiting for my water to cool (yes, I only drink boiled water) so I had the luxury of channel surfing, even though there's feck all to surf with. But to my bemusment I stopped on one of the cantopop dramas on Jade about this young married couple talking about their future plans - the husband proclaiming his vision for their future, business and their children. The young wife beamed with happiness at such a confident and visionary
individual.

As cheesy as the acting was, I don't know why but that got me thinking about my future too. I threw myself on the bed and just stared at the ceiling for who knows how long. "Where am I headed? What future do I want for myself? Is this the industry I want to be in? Am I living life to the potential?" Perhaps it's just a mini premature case of a mid-life crisis. I didn't really know how to answer my own questions, which kinda made the whole experience irrelevant. I always wondered what life I'd have if I stayed in the military. Would I have become a UN Peacekeeper like I had wanted to by now? That would be just so cool if I can re-enlist and get propelled to some godforsaken country. Everyday expecting the unexpected, being there on the field.

I don't wanna live an aimless life, earn an income, spend it, socialise and just call it a day. It's not that I don't enjoy my job, but having been settled in and used to it, I know it'll be time to look for new opportunities soon. But I yearn to 'get lost' again like I did after finishing school. Just pointed in a random direction and see what happens when I get there. No support, no one to expect when I get there. It didn't solve all my problems but the freedom and solace I gained is something you can't buy with money.

Perhaps I'll do it soon enough. Can't live life too comfortably, gotta always keep moving and improving or else I'll take things for granted and get stuck in a rut.

Gotta stop falling in love with the wrong person. I don't want to go through that gauntlet again.

2017 or not two-oh-seventeen

2008-01-07T01:59:00.000+08:00

Well, what can be said about Donald Tsang's affirmation of 2017 chief executive universal suffrage? Also for Legislative Council in 2020? He is after all a puppet of the Chinese government and so has to relay the wishes of his Communist masters.

The pan-democrats are reeling of course, remembering the previous promise of UV in 2008 just afer the hand over, now this time delayed till 2017. I can understand why they're pissed! Who's to say it won't be delayed again?

After all, only 18,000 submissions out of the entire population bothered to take part in the green paper consultation. Sure, you don't expect every literate person to be involved, but that's still a meagre 0.2 percent of the population. I'm sure even less than that took part in the last 7/1 rally... don't think many will turn out for this Sunday's rally either. Jaysus, it's gonna be another organisers vs police stats again. I wonder how big the difference will be this time?

I admit I'm getting a tad tired of the debate. Let the government give a definite date - assuming it is 2017 for CE - and let's all just sit down and enjoy the coming nine years and see what happens. Holy shit, I'll be 33 by then. I wonder how many jobs I'll go through!!

Best photos of 2007

2008-01-02T19:07:00.001+08:00

As much as I liked to have done some war photography, I was pretty much stuck in Hong Kong most of the time. A short stint in Shanghai at least gave me a bit of variation.
All taken with a Nikon D80 w/ Tamron 17-50mm f2.8

Best shot of me - taken by Graffiti Research Lab

Best Emma-Jade Li

Best obscure

Best landscape: Nam Sang Wai

Best shot of the parents

Best portrait

Best out-of-place expression

Best band shot: Los en Found

Best object: A knob in Shanghai (haha)

Best hobo/poignant shot: An old beggar in Shanghai

Best spyshot: A hawker in Shanghai

Best hot chick! At Cathay Pacific's Lunar New Year thingy

Ushering in another 365 days...

2008-01-02T07:33:00.000+08:00

Instead of celebrating another new year with yet another mundane hangover, one should take solace that we've survived yet another 365 days. What with all the global turmoil, airborne diseases, economic fickleness and stress-related illnesses, we in the First World are lucky to have made it through to 2008.

The biggest thing for me in 2007 was my first foray into a full-time job, and man, I'm glad to have started it in Hong Kong of all places. For a naive European like me who values spot-on 8-hour shifts and tea breaks, I feel like I can handle any workplace after having survived in HK. The jobs I had in Ireland is nothing in comparison to HK - the hours, aggro and rush is like no other. One must be ruthless to succeed in a competitive environment, although I never let it get to me. Money is just a currency to buy goods & services, it is not a way of life. Hence, working is not a way of life either, and I won't let myself be a workaholic!

For the second-half of the year, the Chinese doctor I'm seeing now seems like the real deal (for now). My skin condition has improved leaps and bounds and I've enough confidence to resume my exercise routine, jogging and other rigorous activities that have eluded me for the past 3 years.

I've no real classic resolution made this year, and besides if I did, they wouldn't be made on the novelty of the new year - I'll do it when it's needed. But as I said above, I'm revisiting a lot of my old hobbies and exercise routines. For the past 3 years I felt like I had to drop everything and adapt to my skin problem. Which invariably means less exercise, social mood and forays into relationships. Plus, more anxiety, frustration and sheer pessimism.

It's time to pick up where I left off.

The 'FAS Girl'

2007-12-28T20:52:00.001+08:00

Coming back home, I was eager to get up to date as to what's been going on this past year.

Well here's the best: The 'FAS Girl'. An ad campaign by FAS Opportunities on modelling employment. Apparently the ads are finished now so I won't be able to grace her the next time I tour Dublin city.

Real name Georgia Salpa, half Greek/Irish.

Watch out for her in the pilot episodes of 'The Roaring Twenties' beginning on 7th January RTE 10:50pm!

Christmas cleaning

2007-12-26T21:06:00.000+08:00

Quite embarrassing when I got home for the first time last week, I forgot where the kitchen lights were! Mom wasn't impressed...
I guess I was mentally prepared when I left for HK - I was all ready to leave everything behind and try my luck elsewhere. I am glad to be home of course, though my cold puts a dampener on things. It's possibly the reason why I've been sleeping/napping so much lately, didn't exactly fully partake in all the Xmas festivities. Can't exactly put my finger on it but this year's home-coming feels a little out of place. It's like there's something left undone or maybe I've changed?

Yesterday I visited my first cousins, and it has been years since I've seen them in person and set foot in their house. They live quite near actually, and I always hung out at their 'cooler' home when we were kids. But due to some unforseen family feuds, our relationship suffered behind-the-scenes. But now we put it all behind us and it was good to get to know them again. Hopefully we can get a nice game of paintball before I leave, good 'ol family fun!
I also cleaned out my room, all the junk and clutter just had to go. It was like destroying all proof that I had lived there. Soon, it'll become a spare room. I did manage to find a bunch of my old correspondence letters and journals I've saved up over the years. I admire how they took the time to write so much (and so neatly!) despite the convenience of e-mail. But we've lost touch of each other by now, and it's quite a shame really. We all just decided to stop one day, or maybe found it unsustainable anymore. Maybe I should write them all again one last time for the sake of manners?
All in all, I'm just glad to have this chance to zone out and spend a quiet holiday languishing at home, eating up all the surplus chocos and crisps. After all, no drinking!!!!!! argh
In fact, I think I've spent most of my time sleeping so far. I guess I'm trying to make up for all those sleeping hours I've lost in the past few weeks.

Kowloon Motorcycle Diaries

2007-12-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

Richard and I dashed to To Kwa Wan in the wee hours of the morning to film the ice-cream vendors' last official day of operation.
Although I didn't grow up in Hong Kong, I couldn't feel attached but was a little disappointed to see these venerable hawkers' careers coming to an end. Then again, the hawkers themselves seemed quite detached when I talked to them, only the shop owner Mr. Shek was up-in-arms about it.
I wonder how yesterday's candlelight vigil turned out. It's amazing how the public cherishes certain things when they're about to axed. That goes for the media as well!

So... cold

2007-12-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

What a dreary journey... my arse was numb from the 12 hour flight. I should've known because KLM's flights are the cheapest among the big brand names. Not to mention I was sitting behind 2 kids - one li'l cute one kept smacking my leg as I was trying to sleep.

We almost got diverted to Rotterdam because of intense fog at Schiphol, but luckily KLM managed to 'lobby' Schiphol and we landed 45 minutes late. So I dashed across for the connecting flight, completely missing my mission to find hash brownies. And for fuck's sake, as I passed the gates, I sat there for another hour because of the fog, and couldn't go back to the main area.

I slept for 13 hours last night, and it was quite surreal to sleep in a complete dead-silence environment, unlike Hong Kong of course. In fact, I slept so much that I'm still tired... how does that work?!

Coming back home was also another surreal experience - I guess when I first left two years ago I was mentally prepared to leave it all behind. So much so I forgot where the kitchen lights were! The house hasn't changed much, although I felt my bedroom was a lot smaller - guess I'm too used to my grandiose one in HK.

The air is strikingly cold and yet so fresh. Last evening I was able to star-gaze for a while, and that's one of the things I missed, standing meditatively with my head perked high for hours on end. The solace will do me good.

It's even a medical situation...

2007-12-17T00:41:00.000+08:00

As part of my weekly routine to see my herbal doctor, I thought to myself, why not ask him to check my heart rate since it's been acting weird lately.
I certainly wasn't feeling optimistic when he told me I had an abnormal heart beat, which is caused mainly by stress. He asked if I ran over today, because it seemed like my heart was beating unusally fast, even though I had been sitting there waiting for an hour.
I told him I've been feeling rather shitty these past few months and although he knew what I was talking about, he told me it's something he cannot help me with. Though he did add a few extra herbs to my usual concoction that can help regulate my heart beat a bit better.
Although this abnormality is not rare, especially among children, he says it can be somewhat health-threatening in middle-aged people and over.
Well that's just fucking great, it's now officially become a medical problem as well.
So today, I decided to go for a run to try and clear my head and try to create a diversion for my heart! I ran for as long as I could till I almost broke down, and I know my legs are going to hurt like hell tomorrow. But for those 45 minutes I felt great relief because I had only one thought, and that was too run for as long as I could. And my heart was thumping away so hard I seemed to have distracted it temporarily.
Guess I'll just run everyday then.

Want to disappear

2007-12-16T02:06:00.000+08:00

After 3 days of sleepless nights coupled with 3 days of hectic work and numerous coffees and Red Bulls, I'm sure I'll soon collapse and then maybe I'll get some decent sleep for once.

When I was younger I developed a mild heart condition called a 'murmur' - basically an irregular heartbeat that is most of the time non-threatening. Lately, I've been noticing my heart beating a lot harder and slightly quickier. For many years, I've been unable to sleep on my left side because it puts pressure on my heart, causing uncomfort. Yes, I know it sounds strange but I've gotten used to it. I suspect it's because of my body's generation of adrenalin that's been keeping me more awake than I should be physically and mentally. But I'm also suspicious of the root reason why I couldn't sleep in the first place - sending me into this vicious circle - and it's become more acute in the past month or two. I can't remember the last time I've fallen asleep before tossing and turning and cursing for hours.

But NOW I'm really worried. What's changed? It's that I'm feeling that same sort of pressure or numbness even as I'm sitting down typing this and I no doubt will have another stressful time trying to sleep tonight. My breathing's irregular and I feel as if my heart's going to pop out because it's beating so hard. Essentially, my heart hurts.

And fuck, I have to admit it's because of her again.

As much as I try and let go of these feelings and pick myself up, I just can't help giving in into the desire and longing. It's not 'wanting' - yes, she's pretty - but she's also fun, energetic, full of life, in short - a wonderful individual. But like 'G', she has someone already. I admit it's becoming hazardous just being her friend. So why not just break off contact with her? Or even try to win her away? What do I have to lose? Well besides risking a unique friendship, I enjoy her company so much and I don't have the ego or selfishness to do such a thing.

Call me a fucking pussy or whatever, I don't care. As I've grown older I've not been one to look for a fling or date someone just for the sake of social conventions. I wish there was such a machine to erase my memories of her, like in the film 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.' I really, really want to stop feeling so shitty. It's making me insociable and introverted because I keep these things to myself. Perhaps because growing up with a rather lonely and strict childhood, I never was quite chatty and had to depend on myself to resolve issues. I'm not proud of myself for being like this, and writing about all these 'feelings' and conceptions of love. What I wouldn't give right now to fire a few hundred rounds from an AK-47. It's strange though, I find myself quite upbeat among friends and colleagues, always joking and teasing around, but it's not been consistent lately - a certain colleague always complains I sigh too much, and I never noticed it until recently. Nowadays it seems my days end with one long sigh.

I'm flying back to see my family whom I miss so much and to the country I'm proud to call home, yet I can't muster up the resolve to feel excited about it. Right now, I'm just glad to leave Hong Kong for a while. But that's the wrong way to say it because I do like HK, my friends, my job and colleagues here... It's gone all down hill since I've gotten to know her, and without closure, it's going to get worse... even more so if I just keep it to myself like I did with 'G'. I do not want to go down that road again because I barely kept it together for those 3 years. Patience may be my virtue, but it's also been my downfall.

If this is the beginning of that road again, I might face some serious obstacles as to performing my work duties well. I know I'm being a bit dramatic, but this is what past experience has shown me. I had no enthusiasm, didn't want to converse and had no work spirit at all. So, I just had to leave the country, disappear. Would I be willing to give up all I have here? I think these coming few weeks or months will tell.
I'm trying real hard to come to terms with it, believe me. I just cannot for the sake of my life comprehend how it became like this, and why it had to happen again. But it's not like she's a subsititute for 'G', not at all. I just never thought I would meet someone as enchanting as her again.

Early new year's resolution

2007-12-11T01:17:00.000+08:00

As I've written before, my skin condition has improved leaps and bounds in the past 2 months. Before I saw this doctor (like, my 10th), I would've had at least 2 flare ups and all that incovenience and mental agony that comes with it.
In fact, it's as if I'm cured, but deep down I know I'm not, it kinda still lingers around. And I fear what will happen when I stop seeing my doctor... I cannot imagine have to keep seeing him once every week forever! Not to mention gulping down that horrid herbal tea night after night.
But I'm confident the worst is over and that's why I've decided to make it my mission to do all the things I hadn't been able to do for the past 3 years due to my skin problem on my hands and feet. And that's a lot of things if you think about it!

Firstly, gotta whip myself back into shape and start learning (and re-learning) physical activities. Maybe take up golf again, go on more hikes and getting into paintball more - it just seems like my kind of thing. (Wargames is just stuipid). Plainly putting it, doing more strenous activities. Nevertheless the exercise will do me good.

This impetus also stems from other unforseen factors... The past 3 years also taught me some harsh emotional lessons. The 'G' incident like I mentioned before was something I hoped doesn't happen again - I waited everyday with bated breath for that moment to come. It peaked when she told me first she wanted to break up with her boyfriend, but it all ended up smacking across my face with her u-turn soon afterwards.

But as sure as the sun sets, it came and bit me back in the ass. It's hard to ignore it, what with the similar scenario. Instead of getting caught in a quagmire like I had with 'G', I've just got to distract myself enough so I don't dig myself deeper. I think it's quite pathetic actually the way I am... friends would say why keep this to yourself or just go for another? I never even solved that with 'G', doubt I'll have a good answer this time around. But like 'G', the problem resolved itself eventually, can't remember when exactly. I can safely say I don't have those feelings for her anymore. Even though we don't liase as often as I'd like, she's off doing her own thing and I'm doing mine, but when we meet again I know we were always old friends.

Yup, so considering this to be an early new year's resolution, I'm going to take up my old physical hobbies and find new ones and be damn good at it... and even if I am 'waiting' for her - which I hate to admit - I'll use the time to be the best person I can possibly be.

A view not many get to see... or would enjoy

2007-12-08T23:56:00.001+08:00

"Do you know where your rubbish ends up?" is the crux of my environmental project. This week I travelled from Lantau's Refuse Transfer Station (RTS) to Nim Wan landfill in Tuen Mun aboard a rubbish freight ship.

Seeing the sheer amount of logistics required to transport our waste to a far away place was quite staggering to me. Reminds of the 'Industry Giant' game I used to play where you had to work out the most efficient way in transporting goods from one place to another.

But these aren't fancy consumer goods or raw materials, but actual waste from a society that is among the world's highest in terms of per family - 1.1 kg per day and rising.

In about 10 years, our three strategic landfills will reach its capacity and right now the Environmental Protection Department is busy addressing the problem - with recent plans for an incinerator in Tuen Mun scrapped.

Dark past.... Redux

2007-11-29T01:23:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't be writing this shit, but it's 1:30am and I can't sleep.

I've always seen blogging as a sort of self-help process, or maybe really it's a an ego trip. Either way, I'm writing it.

Anyway, yes, a dark past of mine has been rearing its ugly head for a while and it's causing quite a concern. Why? Because it was 'dark', depressing and woefully unnecessary on my part. But now it's unfolding again with another subject - all the way here in Hong Kong. There goes the geographical factor out the window.

There's been very few women (girls - back in the day as I called them) that I find myself head over heels with. Last one was a few years ago with 'G', and ended in personal tragedy I might add. And even though she was in a relationship already I knowingly torpedoed myself into that trap. I knew nothing would happen but the lure was too strong. Followed a sense of false hope perhaps. And it wasn't something superficial, yet not obsessive - ya know, the weird, creepy kind. It was like you finally found that someone... perhaps this old cheesy saying can sum it up, and I'm sure I've used it before: "Fate brought us together but we have no desinty." My fiasco at the fucking US Embassy and beginning of my eczema exacerbated my melancholy... Quite literally the worst time of my life.

'G' remains a distant memory, even if it was quite recent. Plus, she's bad at replying my emails! She did come visit me twice and it was fantastic seeing her again.

Well, now that I'm enjoying the media world and with my skin improving (dramtically lately), it seems I'm becoming vulnerable to the one culprit again - that fervent amour for another.

Of course in general it's not a bad thing! But it's turning into the same fucking story all over again! Seriously, the scenarios are almost alike, just with a different person, all the way here in HK. I do resent these feelings because the fucking stuipid left side of my brain has gone haywire. And it's not like vile, perverted thoughts. It's like you constantly miss someone... Hoping you'd get to see her once in a while, if not catch a fleeting glimpse. Or hoping your next SMS would be another one of her silly but sweet messages. And I tell ya, all these little things add up.

Man, with my recent track record, I really hope this isn't going to become part of a streak.

Should've tried to plan that trip to Tibet better - I was hoping the solitude and spine-chilling coldness would knock some sense into me. I can't blame myself for being bitter about this. She's a great gal and we get along great but I I'm not going to say anything, I'll keep my composure and remain friendly as ever, and she doesn't need to know because what's the point? Just like why I'm writing this - utterly pointless. And that's what really pains me - these feelings are utterly, utterly pointless and won't go returned. It's never like the movies, mate.

Here I am drifting away when I could be using this valuable time like *actually* trying to sleep. And that's what it was like before with 'G', I was pondering and drifting hoping to find some sort of closure.

One of my favourite songs is once again becoming ever more so poignant. The Smashing Pumpkins may be my favourite band but Billy's melancholic love songs really tears your heart out.

Some people say I sigh too much. Now you know why. I'm one melancholic bastard! And I blame Billy Corgan.

"The Roaring Twenties"

2007-11-27T00:27:00.001+08:00

"The Roaring Twenties" is an RTE show produced/written by a once struggling writer I know of, Stephen Stubbs - more of a friend a friend and Seinfeld-obsessed - and a former classmate, Ray Sullivan.

See the second guy on the left? That's Darryl Kinsella, another former classmate who co-starred in our very first award-winning short film 7 years ago when we were 16. Actually, I'm surprised he put that on his portfolio! Good times...

What's even quirkier is that the characters are based on a group of four friends that I know, and wow, to know to base a show on their life experiences is quite exciting.

Good to know things are happening back home.

---- SHOW YOUR SUPPORT FOR LOCAL TALENT ----

The Roaring Twenties

pilot episode will premiere on Monday, January 7th, 10:50pm, Network 2. As you might know, ratings are currency to stuck-up TV executives, so if you like what you're watching, keep tuned in! Know that if succesful, RTE will commission the crew for another 6 episodes.

Talk about a U-turn...

2007-11-26T23:09:00.000+08:00

I don't think I've seen ever seen such incompetence as with ParknShop's u-turn on its plastic bags levy.

Congratulations muppets, you've embarrassed yourselves like no other.

2007-11-26T03:03:00.000+08:00

It's been two months now since I've been seeing my Chinese medicine doctor in Yuen Long. And I've got to admit - unless he's been giving me steroids - my flare ups have pretty much receded since then. Hell, they've practically been reduced to a minor inconvenience!

It hasn't really sunk in yet though, because I've been in these situations before, only to have it bite back time and time again. So you'll forgive me if I'm not overly optimistic like my parents and relatives are. Still, this grace period has allowed me to do more physical activities and made work, well, more normalised.

The doctor says I should see him for at least another month. If my skin is as clear till then, it may look like a good Christmas ahead! What's a better present than a cure?

For all those GRL groupies who bailed out Sunday night...

2007-11-20T00:53:00.000+08:00

Graffiti Research Lab's weekend stunts didn't receive much media attention as guessed, since main TV news broadcasts were over, and it wouldn't have made a great article either. Needless to say none of my colleagues were there... not even a photographer!

So step in vidcasts!

And yes, this vidcast is dedicated to the dozens of teeny-bopping groupies who came in vain on Sunday night. (Our second stop at Bauhinia Square wasn't too ideal, so GRL disappeared for over an hour leaving us media vultures to 'eat wind', while the students moved on)

But eventually the motley crew and Microwave staff picked up what was left of us and got some crackin' footage of MC Yan bombing the Cultural Centre from across the harbour @ 1,200 out! And thanks to a certain special JVC camcorder he was able to see through the pollution more clearly.

Who to believe?

2007-11-16T22:28:00.000+08:00

Right, any body paying attention to the news knows about 'global warming'.
G8 leaders have talked about it, newspapers have printed stories on it, news anchors have blabbered on about it... And mainstream perception is that it's real, and it's caused by CO2 emissions.

And then just step back - does the fact that most of us ordinary folks that get this information from an article or television, does it make it true? It's complete word-of-mouth dissemination. A scientists says this, a climatologist says that... how do we know it's genuine? Yes, other scientists may scrutinise their findings, but yet do other scientists scrutinise the scrutinisers?

I watched a programme called 'The Great Global Warming Swindle' where the subjects poked holes at global warming. One acedotal evidence constantly cited was that random solar activity was the cause, not man-made emissions. This is the first time I've heard such deviant information from a mainstream source. So I'm like, who the fuck's telling the truth? I'm sure the professionals who appeared on this programme have just as much qualifications and authority than those who propogate global warming. Sure, you can be cynical and say power companies are behind it trying to spread propaganda. But even critics need to be scrutinised too.

Truth is, unless we're all scientists or experts on climate change, we may never know. And that's a sad consequence of our knowledge-based economies, there's just simply too much information out there to absorb. And hmmmm, whose job is to assemble information in a neat little package for public consumption? That's right, your friendly neighbourhood journalist, who's simply too much in a rush or lazy to get the proper facts.

I think there should be a minimum amount of time journalists should spend on a story, along with a minimum amount of sources contacted and then scrutinised by other journalists and experts before publishing. Whoo, hate to be in that job.

2007-11-11T14:59:00.000+08:00

Wasn't nearly as hectic as the Equestrian trials, but glad to churn yet another 'one leg kick' vidcast out within time:

It's the first time I've been to Microwave and I can see how unique this festival is. Although impressive at first, I got bored quite quickly. But am definitely looking forward to next weekend's City Hack by Graffiti Research Lab. Read more: http://www.microwavefest.net/

Give it a rest people

2007-11-11T14:41:00.000+08:00

Batman, no doubt has been a subject of conversation or just plain bullshitting in the public sphere.
It's all "Oh, I'm going to try and see them filming at Lyndhurst Terrace..." or trying to get in on their parties, to posting their shitty photos and grainy videos online.

And as I just read from our own paper, hundreds of star-craved potential extras lined up on the set yesterday for hours - the casting director struggles to find 'good-looking' people... which just amplifies the fickleness.

Doing it on your own time is fine, but when you start bragging or even worse, being reported on, you are seriously a prick. And for what? Just to bullshit with your equally star-crazed friends that you were in a shot of a movie? Ah yes, the universal pointing to the screen and "There I am!" Well done then, now go back to your 'normal' life.

As happy as I am the Dark Knight would help promote Hong Kong (was the last film Lara Croft?) I would just laugh if the city was only featured for a few minutes. A week of filming for a big budget feature is practically nothing. However, the money spent is certainly something to be desired for us young inspired film-makers.

Child prodigy = marketing tool?

2007-11-08T00:54:00.000+08:00

Would you think a child to be a prodigy if she published her first book at 7-years-old? Or someone who reads three books a day? Well, her parents certainly a bank thinks she is.

I met 10-year-old Adora Svitak from the US for a vidcast as she was invited to Hong Kong by Standard Chartered's Book Fair. My colleague seemed quite unabashed at his scorn towards Standard Chartered's use of this child as a marketing tool.

True enough there's been a lot of news lately about child prodigies, particularly on 9-year-old March Bohde-something. I can't say for sure if Adora is being blindly taken advantage of but even if that is, why do people get so concerned about whether these kids 'miss out' on life? Hey, at least they're not child soldiers.

One look at her website and it's very promotional - it's like, buy my books because I'm so cute and talented.

It would also be naive to say that Adora would grow up to balance her life like a 'normal' person and have a proper job etc. And what exactly defines a 'normal' person? You mean like a person of average intelligence, a degree, certain income bracket and living in a first world country? When I heard her mother say this, I just kept thinking what a 'normal' person is.
Then I glanced at Adora picking at her Delifrance salad. She looked normal to me.
Who's to say what this 10-year-old does is abnormal? What do people really hope to achieve when they criticse child prodigies and their parents?

Words like 'normal' and 'common sense' and 'weird' really sicken me. It shrinks the mind you know.