[chinese blood, irish heart] - DEFUNCT: Oh great, another monolouge

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Oh great, another monolouge

Find a cure for my skin condition was my official reason for staying in Hong Kong. As I got better at a slow but steady pace, I enrolled into a DV film-making course which lasted till March. Then the hype of the WTO here added my interest to stay in Hong Kong. Afterwards I hope to find some work in the media industry and get experience- an important factor for my portfolio.

On paper it seems like a good short-term future. I've got an apartment here, a bunch of caring relatives and good knowledge of Hong Kong. All i need now is start posting my CV's around the place. Unfortunately I had realised it just isn't that easy. I'm still thinking with an Irish/Dublin mindset. Hong Kong and East Asia operates differently and is much harder to find work I'm led to believe. Looking back on my work experience in Dublin, in most cases I was either introduced or via favours that I had found jobs. Nothing was achieved by myself. In other cases I had failed to achieve on my own- either because of bad luck or bad self-management.

Thinking back, as I did on my long flight, I had known this all along but still sat on the cushy ride. I knew going to Hong Kong would mean living on my own and trying to sustain myself independently would be an enormous task. It is just especially difficult in a competitive (and somewhat still foreign place) like Hong Kong. I do think I left Ireland too soon. Perhaps I should've stayed and worked at my company to earn more, or maybe utilise my contacts and found some media work. All that seemed irrelevant once I made my decision.
I've been thinking about this since I went back to Ireland. Upon leaving almost everything behind, I pondered why I still wanted to go. My skin had gotten much better and there was no need for me to stay in HK, near to the 'Miracle Doctor' in China. Then what about the upcoming WTO events? Sure they only last for a week and then it'd be history. My film-making course? So far it's been pants. I'm just re-learning what I knew. I'm starting to wonder if I'm ready for life in Hong Kong, when I was young I had always hated to think of living here. So why am I 10,000 miles away from home? I hate to think it's because I'm running away from problems are trying to forget.

A famous fortune teller from Macau once told me I would meet the love of my life when I'm 21. After a few errors and mismatches, I now know he's wrong now, even though he had been pratically spot-on with everything else (so far). Hearing so many success stories of feng shui telling, I still grappled on to small shreds of belief, hoping something will come through. Not only was he wrong but damn right misleading. Sure I probably met thhat person, but that was literally it- 'meet'. Nothing else, just had the pleasure of knowing her. Soon to be a past acquantince if I keep this up, yet I still keep something to remember by.

Like the old chinese saying which I'm still unusually fond of- 'fate brought us, but destiny did not follow.'

You were wrong old man. But you're all right, I slap myself for being so passive.
I know I sound like such a pussy but I do believe two people are brought together for a reason and while true love may sound so old-skool and well, I guess I'll use the word 'gay' (Dubliners know what i mean), I think it's what everyone hopes for at some stage in life yet it can get obscured. The relentless drive for wealth and power that people have in this age makes me nauseous and angry. These are the ones who think love is for a 'fine Cuban cigar.' So you can see why I think about this kind of stuff and why I hate the likes of WTO.
I would like to think this is just a passing thought, an urge to write something in my blog cos I can't sleep. I would like tommorow to be a fresh start, so let's make it happen.