I shouldn't be writing this shit, but it's 1:30am and I can't sleep.
I've always seen blogging as a sort of self-help process, or maybe really it's a an ego trip. Either way, I'm writing it.
Anyway, yes, a dark past of mine has been rearing its ugly head for a while and it's causing quite a concern. Why? Because it was 'dark', depressing and woefully unnecessary on my part. But now it's unfolding again with another subject - all the way here in Hong Kong. There goes the geographical factor out the window.
There's been very few women (girls - back in the day as I called them) that I find myself head over heels with. Last one was a few years ago with 'G', and ended in personal tragedy I might add. And even though she was in a relationship already I knowingly torpedoed myself into that trap. I knew nothing would happen but the lure was too strong. Followed a sense of false hope perhaps. And it wasn't something superficial, yet not obsessive - ya know, the weird, creepy kind. It was like you finally found that someone... perhaps this old cheesy saying can sum it up, and I'm sure I've used it before: "Fate brought us together but we have no desinty." My fiasco at the fucking US Embassy and beginning of my eczema exacerbated my melancholy... Quite literally the worst time of my life.
'G' remains a distant memory, even if it was quite recent. Plus, she's bad at replying my emails! She did come visit me twice and it was fantastic seeing her again.
Well, now that I'm enjoying the media world and with my skin improving (dramtically lately), it seems I'm becoming vulnerable to the one culprit again - that fervent amour for another.
Of course in general it's not a bad thing! But it's turning into the same fucking story all over again! Seriously, the scenarios are almost alike, just with a different person, all the way here in HK. I do resent these feelings because the fucking stuipid left side of my brain has gone haywire. And it's not like vile, perverted thoughts. It's like you constantly miss someone... Hoping you'd get to see her once in a while, if not catch a fleeting glimpse. Or hoping your next SMS would be another one of her silly but sweet messages. And I tell ya, all these little things add up.
Man, with my recent track record, I really hope this isn't going to become part of a streak.
Should've tried to plan that trip to Tibet better - I was hoping the solitude and spine-chilling coldness would knock some sense into me. I can't blame myself for being bitter about this. She's a great gal and we get along great but I I'm not going to say anything, I'll keep my composure and remain friendly as ever, and she doesn't need to know because what's the point? Just like why I'm writing this - utterly pointless. And that's what really pains me - these feelings are utterly, utterly pointless and won't go returned. It's never like the movies, mate.
Here I am drifting away when I could be using this valuable time like *actually* trying to sleep. And that's what it was like before with 'G', I was pondering and drifting hoping to find some sort of closure.
One of my favourite songs is once again becoming ever more so poignant. The Smashing Pumpkins may be my favourite band but Billy's melancholic love songs really tears your heart out.
Some people say I sigh too much. Now you know why. I'm one melancholic bastard! And I blame Billy Corgan.
"The Roaring Twenties" is an RTE show produced/written by a once struggling writer I know of, Stephen Stubbs - more of a friend a friend and Seinfeld-obsessed - and a former classmate, Ray Sullivan.
See the second guy on the left? That's Darryl Kinsella, another former classmate who co-starred in our very first award-winning short film 7 years ago when we were 16. Actually, I'm surprised he put that on his portfolio! Good times...
What's even quirkier is that the characters are based on a group of four friends that I know, and wow, to know to base a show on their life experiences is quite exciting.
Good to know things are happening back home.
---- SHOW YOUR SUPPORT FOR LOCAL TALENT ----
The Roaring Twenties
pilot episode will premiere on Monday, January 7th, 10:50pm, Network 2. As you might know, ratings are currency to stuck-up TV executives, so if you like what you're watching, keep tuned in! Know that if succesful, RTE will commission the crew for another 6 episodes.
It's been two months now since I've been seeing my Chinese medicine doctor in Yuen Long. And I've got to admit - unless he's been giving me steroids - my flare ups have pretty much receded since then. Hell, they've practically been reduced to a minor inconvenience!
It hasn't really sunk in yet though, because I've been in these situations before, only to have it bite back time and time again. So you'll forgive me if I'm not overly optimistic like my parents and relatives are. Still, this grace period has allowed me to do more physical activities and made work, well, more normalised.
The doctor says I should see him for at least another month. If my skin is as clear till then, it may look like a good Christmas ahead! What's a better present than a cure?
For all those GRL groupies who bailed out Sunday night...
Graffiti Research Lab's weekend stunts didn't receive much media attention as guessed, since main TV news broadcasts were over, and it wouldn't have made a great article either. Needless to say none of my colleagues were there... not even a photographer!
So step in vidcasts!
And yes, this vidcast is dedicated to the dozens of teeny-bopping groupies who came in vain on Sunday night. (Our second stop at Bauhinia Square wasn't too ideal, so GRL disappeared for over an hour leaving us media vultures to 'eat wind', while the students moved on)
But eventually the motley crew and Microwave staff picked up what was left of us and got some crackin' footage of MC Yan bombing the Cultural Centre from across the harbour @ 1,200 out! And thanks to a certain special JVC camcorder he was able to see through the pollution more clearly.
Right, any body paying attention to the news knows about 'global warming'. G8 leaders have talked about it, newspapers have printed stories on it, news anchors have blabbered on about it... And mainstream perception is that it's real, and it's caused by CO2 emissions.
And then just step back - does the fact that most of us ordinary folks that get this information from an article or television, does it make it true? It's complete word-of-mouth dissemination. A scientists says this, a climatologist says that... how do we know it's genuine? Yes, other scientists may scrutinise their findings, but yet do other scientists scrutinise the scrutinisers?
I watched a programme called 'The Great Global Warming Swindle' where the subjects poked holes at global warming. One acedotal evidence constantly cited was that random solar activity was the cause, not man-made emissions. This is the first time I've heard such deviant information from a mainstream source. So I'm like, who the fuck's telling the truth? I'm sure the professionals who appeared on this programme have just as much qualifications and authority than those who propogate global warming. Sure, you can be cynical and say power companies are behind it trying to spread propaganda. But even critics need to be scrutinised too.
Truth is, unless we're all scientists or experts on climate change, we may never know. And that's a sad consequence of our knowledge-based economies, there's just simply too much information out there to absorb. And hmmmm, whose job is to assemble information in a neat little package for public consumption? That's right, your friendly neighbourhood journalist, who's simply too much in a rush or lazy to get the proper facts.
I think there should be a minimum amount of time journalists should spend on a story, along with a minimum amount of sources contacted and then scrutinised by other journalists and experts before publishing. Whoo, hate to be in that job.
Wasn't nearly as hectic as the Equestrian trials, but glad to churn yet another 'one leg kick' vidcast out within time:
It's the first time I've been to Microwave and I can see how unique this festival is. Although impressive at first, I got bored quite quickly. But am definitely looking forward to next weekend's City Hack by Graffiti Research Lab. Read more: http://www.microwavefest.net/
Batman, no doubt has been a subject of conversation or just plain bullshitting in the public sphere. It's all "Oh, I'm going to try and see them filming at Lyndhurst Terrace..." or trying to get in on their parties, to posting their shitty photos and grainy videos online.
And as I just read from our own paper, hundreds of star-craved potential extras lined up on the set yesterday for hours - the casting director struggles to find 'good-looking' people... which just amplifies the fickleness.
Doing it on your own time is fine, but when you start bragging or even worse, being reported on, you are seriously a prick. And for what? Just to bullshit with your equally star-crazed friends that you were in a shot of a movie? Ah yes, the universal pointing to the screen and "There I am!" Well done then, now go back to your 'normal' life.
As happy as I am the Dark Knight would help promote Hong Kong (was the last film Lara Croft?) I would just laugh if the city was only featured for a few minutes. A week of filming for a big budget feature is practically nothing. However, the money spent is certainly something to be desired for us young inspired film-makers.
Would you think a child to be a prodigy if she published her first book at 7-years-old? Or someone who reads three books a day? Well, her parents certainly a bank thinks she is.
I met 10-year-old Adora Svitak from the US for a vidcast as she was invited to Hong Kong by Standard Chartered's Book Fair. My colleague seemed quite unabashed at his scorn towards Standard Chartered's use of this child as a marketing tool.
True enough there's been a lot of news lately about child prodigies, particularly on 9-year-old March Bohde-something. I can't say for sure if Adora is being blindly taken advantage of but even if that is, why do people get so concerned about whether these kids 'miss out' on life? Hey, at least they're not child soldiers.
One look at her website and it's very promotional - it's like, buy my books because I'm so cute and talented.
It would also be naive to say that Adora would grow up to balance her life like a 'normal' person and have a proper job etc. And what exactly defines a 'normal' person? You mean like a person of average intelligence, a degree, certain income bracket and living in a first world country? When I heard her mother say this, I just kept thinking what a 'normal' person is. Then I glanced at Adora picking at her Delifrance salad. She looked normal to me. Who's to say what this 10-year-old does is abnormal? What do people really hope to achieve when they criticse child prodigies and their parents?
Words like 'normal' and 'common sense' and 'weird' really sicken me. It shrinks the mind you know.
